The Ebb and Flow of My Life
by JustWrite
Summary: Monotony resides over Karen's life. However, one day she meets a city boy who eventually teaches her that time can bring change, as long as you're willing to embrace it. Told by Karen in 1st person. Based on HM64. Finally completed!
1. Arrival

**Chapter 1: Arrival**

-.-.-

When you think about it, time is a funny thing. For one, it is among the few matters that the human mind, at its highest and most brilliant peak, cannot conquer. It can bring all sorts of things: improvements, failures, experience— or it can bring hardly any change at all. Sometimes it seems to drag on and on, yet other times it seems to whiz by, leaving you with a look of surprise as you glance at your watch. But the funny thing is, no matter how fast or slow it seems to go, no matter how many things change or stay the same, you're still in the same place as you are now, constantly dwelling in the present. Confusing, huh?

In Flower Bud Village, time dragged. Monotony was dominating. Yet seventeen years had still brought me to that particular moment, and it was one I didn't yet know would cause the previous years of my life to seem miniscule and wasted. It would make it appear as if I had absolutely no highs and lows in my life before it. And yet, I couldn't define it as a "high" or a "low". I wasn't sure yet. All I could define it as was a little change in my daily routine.

You see, my whole life, I grew up with the same people. The mailman, the potion shop dealer, the pastor, the ranchers, the old farmer, the bakers, the artisan, the mayor and his wife— you get the picture. Only when Kai showed up on our ranch had I met anyone new for the first time in my life. There were four other girls around my age, of course, but I had never been especially close with any of them. I went by the same schedule, the same routine every day. For thirty days it seemed I did the _exact _same thing, and only when I was on the edge of total breakdown did a new season begin, and for a couple of days I would adjust to the new schedule until that soon worked into tedious routine again too.

So you can picture the rush of excitement I felt at first that day. I had been standing on the pier, watching the waves ebb and flow and longing for a city life, when I saw it— a small ferry headed toward the island. It was the very beginning of a new year, and I was still a bit hungover from the festival the day before, so at first I thought I was imagining it. But as the ferry approached and the waves began breaking faster, I realized I wasn't hallucinating. _Should I get the mayor? _was my first thought. But I thought better of it. The idea of a new situation in my rather bland life captivated me. And so, when the small boat finally landed, I was the first to catch a glimpse of change in the form of a six-foot-tall, gangly-looking boy who looked to be no older than myself.

The problem was, first impressions weren't really my thing. Considering I had only made about a total of one in my entire life, I couldn't really say that I was too experienced with them. But based off of that "one time", I wasn't the typical welcoming type. I could feel one thing and say another without knowing why it came out so maliciously cruel. So you can probably imagine what happened next.

"Well, well," I had said as the newcomer first stepped off of the ferry. "Look at what we've got here. A tourist in Flower Bud? Are you lost, little boy?"

As I said, I was not that great at greetings.

Nevertheless, he threw me a smile, and simply shook his head. "No, actually. I've um, come to take over my grandpa's place." He grabbed the last of his bags from the boat and dropped them onto the pier. So _this_ was the grandson of the old geezer who had passed away. Figures— he wore the same blue and orange cap the old man always had on. "Could you show me to it, perhaps?" he asked politely, his eyes bright with excitement.

I nearly laughed in his face. "Hah, you mean the deserted old dump? You're taking over _that_?"

He put on a worried expression. I could tell he was serious about this. "Okay... well, c'mon then. I'll show you where it is. Or what's left of it, anyway." He threw the sailor a tip, heaved his bags up onto his shoulders, and followed me without complaint as I trudged through the sand and off the beach.

"Wow, who lives there?" he asked as soon as he saw the ranch that bordered the beach. What was I now, his tour guide? Still, I answered him, albeit bluntly.

"Doug Green and his two children, Ann and Gray. They raise and sell animals."

He looked impressed. "I hope I can raise some of my own soon enough," he told me. I stopped and turned to face him, and he followed suit, taken slightly aback.

"You think that it's _that _simple? Hah!" I retorted. It was obvious he had come from the city, even though truthfully I was slightly envious of that. "Well, this isn't Kansas anymore, cityboy. As you might have noticed, there aren't many machines around here. No roads, no sidewalks, only dirt. You know, dirt? It actually occupied the ground before concrete." I began walking toward the farm again.

"I know," he said, slightly downcast. "I've never liked the city, really."

I snorted sarcastically in response. _You have no idea what you've got yourself into_, I thought.

Finally we reached the farm. "Well, here we are. Welcome to Camelot— there's your castle," I pointed to the shabby barn, "and _there_ is your noble party," I told him as a small brown dog ran happily up to him.

"Wow, I didn't know grandpa had a dog! Does it have a name?" he asked, bending down to scratch the mutt behind the ears.

I shrugged.

"Yeah, well it was one of his few possessions. Now, you have fun here with Sir Arthur. Bye," I said coldly as I turned to leave.

"Wait!" he called, standing back up to face me. I turned back around, annoyed. I raised my eyebrows at him, letting him know my impatience. What more could this guy want? A welcoming party?

"I'm Jack." He stuck out his hand. I made no attempt to shake it, but instead looked at it in disdain.

"Karen." I replied simply, and turned around to leave once more.

"Nice to meet you, Karen!" I heard him call. "Thanks!"

What was with this guy? Was he really that thick? Couldn't he see that I didn't want to talk to him?

Though secretly, I did. I just didn't realize it until after I had made it back to the vineyard. My father started scolding me upon my arrival, for I had managed to let him down yet again. Surprise, surprise. Eventually, when he stopped muttering and turned to sit on a nearby barrel, I headed to the cellar, figuring I better do a little work in order to keep it from stacking up too high. As I opened the door, about to head down the stairs, I took a look at my father, who was drinking from a freshly opened bottle of wine.

"Oh, there's a new guy at the old man's farm. Name's Jacob or something." I slammed the door shut before he had chance to reply.

The truth was, I remembered his name. He wasn't all that annoying. He was kind of good-looking even. But my bitter attitude told me otherwise, and I tended to follow my fake front rather than the reality of things. Why? I didn't know. I guess I was mad. Mad because my life was dull and that it never changed. My dad drank and cursed constantly, my mother cried twenty-four seven. I did the majority of the work in the vineyard, other than Kai, our hired hand, of course, and yet we were still practically broke. I'll admit that I was slightly interested in Kai— but that wouldn't ever amount to anything. He worked for my parents, and was, well, _nice_. Not like me. Not like me at all.

I absent-mindedly began turning over the wine bottles in the shelves. _I could have been nice for once,_ I thought. But I had already ruined that. Soon he would blend in to the other villagers, just another figure falling into the daily routine of Flower Bud Village. As for me, I'd probably keep on going with the same system for the rest of my life. I'd live and die as if I had repeated the same day over and over thousands of times.

But I was wrong. Soon, things would change for me, and I wouldn't know how to deal with it. But I would find out... eventually. It just took a little work. Okay, it took a lot of work.

And so here the story begins.


	2. Working on Those First Impressions

**Chapter 2: Working on Those First Impressions**

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

I was sure I had set a record. It was only nine in the morning, and I had already commenced in a third argument with my father. I knew he was extremely hungover from the night before, and was experiencing a killer migraine, which wasn't uncommon; but today he seemed especially bad for some reason.

_"Karen!" _I heard his gruff voice shout from across the vineyard. "What are you _doing?_ You should have already finished sowing the grape seeds by now! What are you taking your precious time for? Get on it, you lazy, worthless girl!"

I usually would have let this pass me by, determining it as a product of his lingering intoxication, but this time I felt my rage boiling. I sought rebellion.

"_NO!_" I shouted, surprised at the sheer volume of my voice. I mean, I had always been fairly loud, but this was _overbearing_. "How can you _say _that? If you had even set foot upon this field instead of standing there like a dumb oaf, I would have had it finished! But you haven't, you've been sitting at the bar drinking, and I've had to do your work for you in order to keep this vineyard alive! How can you even say that I haven't been working! You're the lazy one!" By this point, I could feel tears burning in the corners of my eyes.

At first I thought my father was rendered speechless. I saw him venture from where he was standing by our house and come toward me. Upon approaching me, his expression grew from anger to rage to near insanity. I held my ground, staring straight into his eyes.

He grabbed ahold of the front of my shirt, picking me up and bringing him close to his face. His breath still stunk of alcohol.

"Don't you _ever_ speak that way to me again," he growled, flecks of spit hitting my face.

I stared at him defiantly, not wanting to give in so easily. I kicked at his knees with my dangling feet, struggling like a two-year-old. He threw me back into the dust, causing me to land hard on my side. I could feel my anger rising still, steadily. I wasn't going to let him get away with this.

"You never listen to me! What's wrong with you!" I shouted back from where I lay. He continued walking. I could see the deep red color of his neck as he departed. "What a terrible father!" I screamed, jumping to my feet and racing toward the exit of the vineyard. "You should let me have my way!"

This time he took the initiative to scream back. "What? Don't be so selfish, Karen! What an undutiful daughter!" Tears were pouring out of my eyes by now. I knew where I would go, perhaps where I would stay the night. Out of the corner of my teary eyes, I saw a blue and orange blur as I passed out of the vineyard and toward the beach.

I was Karen, the girl with the two-second temper. People knew me this way, and I didn't care. I could be laughing happily one moment, my fists flying the next. _Well, I _am_ right..._ I told myself. _My father is a jerk. See if I ever go back. _I knew he wouldn't care. Or would he? No, he would probably be grateful that I was gone.

After what seemed to take hours, I finally felt sand beneath my feet. The shore was empty, as always. One of the many things I liked about it. It was my resting spot, my place to think and sort things out (as if I ever really did that). The place where I could be alone, with the soothing waves never ceasing to foam around my bare feet. I sat on the dock this time, letting my legs dangle, my toes skimming the top of the water. It was a nice day, still early spring, and the air had warmed up a bit. Practically every villager in Flower Bud was out and about at this time, for it was undoubtedly the best weather of the year.

Yet for some reason, I favored winter. Perhaps it was because the vineyard didn't require much work around then, for the grapes would have just been harvested and the wine set in the cellar to age. Or maybe it was because it was the season of my birthday, and I would become another year closer to becoming an adult so that I could leave this dump of a town. _I can't wait_... I thought. _No more ruddy grapes, no more stupid chores, no more drunk fathers_... I allowed myself to daydream. _If only I could catch a ferry and leave right now..._

"Karen?"

I jumped at the sound of a voice behind me. I turned quickly to face the blue and orange blur I had seen earlier. Jack.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked, coming to sit beside me.

The first thing I felt was anger. I was mad at being shaken out of my daydreams, and mad that this loon had followed me. But after looking at the sincerity and friendliness in the new farmer's eyes, I softened up my tone a bit.

"I, uhh... what are you doing here, Jack?"

"I heard you and your father arguing from my farm. I came to see if everything's okay," he replied, a look of genuine concern in his eyes.

_Couldn't I be nice to this guy for once?_ I thought to myself. _He's only trying to be helpful. Don't I want at least one friend in this stupid village?_ Though, as always, my mouth was on a different track.

"You were _eavesdropping?"_ I said irritably. "What gives you the right to just butt in on my life?"

He looked crestfallen. Yet the brightness never left his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he began, "it's just—"

"—that you think you can try and play Mr. Nice Guy, and you'll win my vote! Well, I'm sorry _Jack_, but I'm not falling for it. Go drag your sympathetic ass to some other sucker."

I knew how harsh and unreasonable I was being, and I was almost instantly regretful for it. I tried telling myself I didn't care, that my mouth was right. But as I watched Jack begin slowly to leave the beach, my heart got the best of me.

"Wait... Jack!" I yelled, before I had known it. "Look... I'm sorry. I mean, uh... I just can't... you can't..." I was mumbling. I didn't know what to say, so I let my temper take back over. "Never mind, forget about it. Just leave..." I said, almost inaudibly. For a moment, I almost thought I saw half a smile creep onto the boy's face, but he turned back around, walking off the sandy beach until he was out of sight.

I buried my face in my hands. What had I done? I was mad at my father, and he was undoubtedly mad at me. I was pretty sure Jack was now upset with me as well, but I wasn't so sure I was upset with him. No one else in the village seemed to show concern for me like that before. Or was it really sympathy he had shown? It sure seemed like it... but then, I had known boys who had pretended to care in order to get closer to me physically. Was he merely attracted to my looks, as they were? I didn't know for sure.

Yet the fact that I had made a considerably _horrible_ first impression upon the guy and he had still talked to me again surprised me. Perhaps it _was_ a true friendliness Jack possessed. I was confused.

I looked up, deciding to forget about the matter for the time being. Instead I stared at the waves. They rolled in and out; a continuous cycle of ebb and flow. It seemed to me that was the way everything worked around here. I couldn't help feeling bored, tired with my life. Not to mention angry.

I picked up a rock from between the boards of the dock. Turning it over once, I threw it as far I could into the water. It didn't go very far; I could see the small splash it made as it hit an oncoming wave. Yet apart from that, no change in the current was noticeable. I felt drowsy. The sun gently warmed my skin, and the sound of the waves was peaceful. Gradually, I drifted off to sleep, dreaming of a prosperous vineyard, of a kinder, happier father... a whirl of blue and orange...

And in this happy state I stayed for the remainder of the day.


	3. Loosen Up, Would Ya?

**Chapter 3: Loosen Up, Would Ya?**

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Weeks passed, and soon I found myself in the middle of the summer heat, laboring away more than ever. My father, of course, only worked when it happened to be significantly cooler, which wasn't often. He spent most of his evenings getting wasted at the bar, in which I had recently taken up a part-time job as an excuse to get away from the house. Though after a while I couldn't really tell which was worse... having to put up with drunken men, including my father, or wearing myself out to the point of collapsing working in the fields. I guess the only benefit of having the job was the steady income, much unlike that of the vineyard.

And secretly, I did all that I could to save the money I was making. I convinced myself that if I raised enough perhaps I would be able to buy a ticket out of Flower Bud and make my way into the city— where I was sure a better life lay in store for me. Yes, that was my one and only goal for now... the one thing that kept me sane and focused. Though there was something that, despite how much I wanted to deny it, was starting to creep into my thoughts more and more often. Or shall I say _someone..._

"Hey Jack, what'll it be?" I heard Duke ask from behind the counter.

"Oh, you know, the usual," was the reply. I tried to keep my eyes focused on the table I was wiping. I heard Duke go into the back room, where I knew he would soon emerge with a fresh glass of milk for the exhausted farmer. It was like this almost every night now, but somehow I hadn't gotten tired of the routine. And I practically hated myself for it.

A few moments later, as I expected (but couldn't say I regretted), I heard footsteps making their way across the wooden floor boards toward me. I could feel a smile playing at the corners of my lips, and I was glad my back was toward him. As he arrived at the table I looked up, promptly masking my face with indifference. I was never the first to speak during these encounters, as he and I both very well knew. I raised my eyebrows at him, waiting for his usual greeting. However, he merely glanced at the table I had practically scrubbed to a pulp and grinned.

"I think you missed a spot," he said playfully. I wasn't sure how to reply to this, for I couldn't say we—or more correctly, I— was on friendly enough terms to say what I wanted to... which would have been a somewhat flirty comment in return. So instead, I glanced at the table, wiped it once over again, and flashed him a sarcastic look as I began to walk off. I knew he would eventually get me to say something though, so I slowly sauntered to a nearby vacant table and began wiping again absentmindedly. Sure enough, he soon turned around and leaned on the table next to me. I continued wiping.

"Look," he began, more seriously now, "I don't know what I've done wrong, but whatever it was, I'm sorry. Maybe we could just start over. I'd really like to get to know you."

I stopped wiping the table. I considered this. This could be the chance I was looking for.

"You haven't done anything wrong," I said, before I'd known it. "It's not you, Jack. It's me. I'm not that good of a person— don't waste your time trying to get to know me." My mind was screaming red-alert: _What are you doing, Karen? You're screwing up the routine... the one enjoyable part of your day, and you probably just messed it up! Why would he ever want to talk to you again now?_

"Don't be that harsh on yourself, Karen. No one's perfect..." he said, looking directly at me. "In fact, I'm far from it. And well, I don't see you as that bad of a person at all." I looked back into his eyes now. Was he lying? It didn't seem so... but then, he always seemed, well, _sincere. _How did I know it wasn't all an act? "Actually, despite your several rude remarks and clever attempts to get rid of me, I think you're pretty good at heart." He smiled.

I looked at him full on now, my eyes squinted, taking him in. His remark was utterly cliché, but I didn't think he was lying. Partially because I knew he was somewhat right. Because I knew that despite whatever I said, cruel as it may be, my heart was screaming to be kind, to be caring... to love, even.

I could feel my eyes get warm as I moved them from his unwavering look to the floor. _Why does this have to be so difficult for me? _I wanted more than anything to break from the bitter routine, and yet I was scared to do it. I knew I wanted to give him a chance. I wanted to give myself one even more.

Finally, I came to a decision. I turned to look back up at him, feeling a smile creep onto my face. "Hi," I said, sticking out my hand, "I'm Karen."

The rest of my shift went surprisingly well that night, despite the frequent shouts for more alcohol from my hopelessly drunken father and a heated argument that erupted between Jeff and Basil over the nature of African dung beetles. Jack stayed a little longer than he usually did, ordering a few more glasses of milk, each time managing to throw me a generous tip. However, by the time Duke said I was free to go, I saw Jack push aside his fourth empty glass, and, apparently trying to be casual about it, get up to leave.

As I pushed open the doors of the bar and made my way outside, I could feel the warm night air and hear the soft chirping of crickets. I took a new liking to summer nights. I started making my way toward home, though I took my time about it. I mean, there wasn't a cloud in the sky, and the glowing stars stretched endlessly above me. Who _wouldn't _take their time for that... right?

"Hey, Karen! Wait up!" I heard from behind me.

Okay, so perhaps I wouldn't have stopped for the stars before— but then, that was the _old_ Karen. I stopped and turned to see Jack jogging up to me.

"Hey," I said, beginning to walk again. "I guess it's better that someone keeps an eye on you tonight, Jack— I don't know, _four _glasses... that's quite a bit, if I do say so myself." I was glad I could finally say something casual, even flirty. I could see him smile out of the corner of my eye.

"Yeah, well y'know... I can hold it pretty well. Lots of experience, really, owning two cows."

I laughed, and was fairly impressed that he already owned two cows, seeing as I had doubted him a little over a season ago about ever owning an animal. I was just glad he didn't rub it in.

"Sooo," I said, trying to be conversational, "how's the farm doing?"

"Oh, I guess it's all right. Should be getting some tomatoes any day now."

I became fully alert at this.

"Tomatoes?" I shouted excitedly, wondering if he had somehow known about my great liking toward them. "Heh, sorry, it's just that they are my favorite."

"Really?" he said, though not sounding all that surprised. "Well then, maybe I'll bring a few by so you can test them out, y'know, find out if they're good enough for me to sell..."

I had a feeling we had just made our way from small talk into flirting. But was that really even a bad thing? I played along for a while, laughing and giggling like a desperate school girl.

Yet eventually, to my general dislike, we reached the spot where our paths split. It felt weird knowing that we'd have to say good night, and that we'd see each other again the next day. I had never done it before. At least, not sincerely. We finished up our conversation, and stood for a moment, rather awkwardly, before he took the initiative to say something.

"Well, I guess we better get home now..." he said, scratching the back of his head.

"Heh, yeah..." I replied, staring at my feet.

"So, I'll see you tomorrow?"

I was quiet. My usual reply had been, _"Don't talk to me so much,"_ but seeing as things were different now, I had to conjure up another one.

"I hope?" he said after a bit, and I came back to my senses.

"Ok, ok... see you." I said, smiling, and turned to go back up to the vineyard.

I knew nothing considerably _major_ happened to send my spirits soaring like this, but for me, it was a really big thing. I had gone from shallow and cruel to almost friendly in one night. And I didn't regret it. Perhaps, maybe, my tough front would slowly drop until every villager knew me not by my temper, but by my smile, my humor. And I hoped it would come to that. Jack was now what I could honestly call a friend, if not a little more. But I wouldn't get carried away. I couldn't pretend that from now on everything would work out perfectly, that he would have the feelings I hoped he had. That perhaps I was beginning to have.

I walked inside the house to find my father passed out on the couch, my mom somewhere upstairs, probably crying herself to sleep. Kai was undoubtedly asleep from a long day's work. I often came home to this. I made my way upstairs to my room, taking off my vest as I plopped into my bed. It didn't take long for me to feel my eyelids drooping with sleep, for it had been a long, exhausting day.

Yet, for once, since as long as I could remember, I fell asleep with a smile.

* * *

_AN: Anyone catch Karen's white to blue heart transition from HM64 there? Oh look at me, being clever. Haha._


	4. The Green Eyed Monster

**Chapter 4: The Green-Eyed Monster**

-.-.-.-

By the time I woke up the next morning my emotional high had worn off. I was back to my bitter and hostile self, and I wasted no time in arguing with my father and ridiculing my mother. I hardly ever bickered with Kai for he usually let me have my way, but today I was rather mad at him, perhaps for not trying to get to know me the way Jack had. Sure, Kai was kind and caring, and as far as I could tell too shy to talk to girls, but that was no excuse in my mind.

"Kai! What are you _doing? _We don't pay you to sit around idly all day... get to work!" I shouted at the groggy, sweating boy. He shot me a look as if I were a bit off my rocker, for he was only taking a five-minute break, but he made no complaints as he stood up and walked back toward the field, wiping his brow with his purple bandana. I was in slave-driver mode this morning, despite the fact that it was already ninety degrees and was bound to get hotter as noon came around.

No more than two seconds later, I heard the door click open and saw my disgruntled father walk out of the house. He looked as if he were in a worse mood than myself. He shortly confirmed my suspicions.

"What are you shoutin' about this early in the mornin', girl?" he yelled, making no effort to come and help with the workload himself. "Some people around here are tryin' to sleep, y'know!"

I shot him a nasty look. "Gee, dad... thanks for the offer. No, it's okay, Kai and I can handle the vineyard ourselves... no need to worry!" I retorted sarcastically.

"Why, you..." he seemed at a loss for words. He began to come towards me again, the same way he had a season ago. However, this time I knew better and backed off. When he came to five feet away from where I stood, he stopped and pointed a finger at me menacingly. "You're a sniveling little brat, Karen. You know that? _I'm_ the one who's putting food in your stomach and keeping the roof above your pretty little head... you should be _grateful!_"

I snorted. He often used this to try and make me feel guilty, but it never worked.

"Yeah, right, 'cause the vineyard's a great success! Maybe if you paid attention when you were my age and learned how grandma made her wine, we'd be doing fine today! But _no!" _ I yelled.

So much for the progress I was making in changing my bitter self. I heard my father grunt and furiously turn around to storm inside. Moments later the door slammed shut, and I went irritably back to my work. I had almost forgotten Kai had just witnessed the whole ordeal.

"Um... Miss Karen?" I heard him say from behind me a few minutes later.

"What!" I grumbled, not turning from the row of grapes I was currently attending to.

"I know it may be his fault... but could you just _try _to get along with your father?" I turned around at this, placing my hands on my hips.

"Well, _he_ isn't doing any work. You can see that. Why should I obey his every command?" I shot back.

"Because he's your father?" Kai offered, but I could tell from his voice that he very well knew that wasn't going to work for me.

"_Ha. Some father,_" I mumbled, turning back around. "Don't worry about it Kai. Just get back to work."

I bent down and pulled fiercely at a clump of weeds, only managing to rip off the tips. I scowled.

Just then I felt a hand being placed on my shoulder. I turned my head to see a concerned Kai looking down at me. His dark brown eyes were filled with kindness, and the bandana he usually wore was lying on a barrel somewhere, leaving sandy brown locks of hair falling onto his forehead. Somewhere beneath the tangled black mass of hatred, my heart swooned.

"Miss Karen, I _do_ worry about it. Please make up with your father." He said, simply. I was speechless.

"I really wish I could, Kai..." I said, standing back up. "I really wish it were that easy..."

I turned to go inside. Only then did I notice the curious onlooker at the side of my house. _Sorry Jack..._ I thought, looking at him straight in the eyes as if to communicate my apology telepathically. I closed the door behind me, and ran straight up to my room, tears streaming down my cheeks.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

That night was my night off at the bar. I considered going anyway, but I wasn't sure I could talk to Jack after what he witnessed this morning. Exactly how much of it did he see? Our friendship was still fragile, and I didn't want him thinking I was after Kai. Not if he considered me... well, I wouldn't even think about that. The feelings I had developed last night seemed petty now, though they hadn't been completely erased. I knew I wouldn't be the rude and selfish tyrant I had been at first any longer, but I would still have to take it easy with him. He was only trying to be nice, and I appreciated that. But I would have to give myself time.

So, leaving my tear-soaked pillow around four, I headed off to the beach. Where else would I go? The beach was more my home than the grape-forsaken vineyard ever was, and I felt whole there.

As I passed by Jack's farm, I was wary. I didn't want him to see me and follow, that would defeat my whole purpose of avoiding him. I glanced once quickly, and not seeing any signs, I walked speedily by, not offering the farm a second look. When I was well out of view from it, I slowed back down. As much as I wanted to get to the beach, I would take my time. I enjoyed the walk.

Soon the Green Ranch came into view. I could see a few horses running around, and Gray standing watching them and occasionally feeding them sugar cubes. I knew he loved the animals, even though by looking at him, you couldn't tell he had much passion for anything. But that was Gray. He had been different long ago, until one fateful day at the race tracks. But I don't like to recount that day.

Just then I saw Ann's vibrant red hair out of the corner of my eye. Out of all the girls in the village, I had to say Ann was the one I was closest to. Well, not super close, but close enough to complain about our work and families. I decided I would say hi.

However, as I ventured closer, I could see she was talking with someone. My heart skipped a few beats when I saw who it was. There was no mistaking the blue and orange cap as I entered the ranch. Jack. I quickly turned so that I was pressed up against the building that served as Gray and Doug's room, hiding myself from view. I could hear practically every word of their conversation.

"Wow, I can't believe you already have two cows and a sheep, Jack! That's great!" Ann's cheerful voice drifted to where I was standing.

"Heh, yeah. Thanks, Ann. I just sheered Ali today, take a look," he replied. I guessed from the silence that Ann had a look of surprise and glee on her face as he held up the ball of freshly-shaven wool.

"Oh, Jack!" she said a few moments later. "That's some of the best wool I've seen in a while! You sure take good care of your animals. It really shows."

"Well then, I think you should have it." I heard him say. I inhaled sharply.

"Really? Wow, thanks a lot!"

I stood for a moment trying to take it all in. I remembered Jack's promise to bring some fresh tomatoes to my house the day he picked them. How I had seen it as an act of flirtatiousness, a sign that he _might_ like me. But apparently, he was like this with Ann, and perhaps all of the other girls as well. I clenched my teeth. I had thought he cared about _me_... and only me.

I came back to reality as I heard footsteps coming in my direction. I could only assume it was Jack. Quickly, I sprinted away from the wall and ran towards the beach. _Stupid, stupid!_ I thought angrily. I knew he had most likely seen me. But I didn't stop, not even when I heard him call my name behind me.

I eventually felt the sand crunching beneath my feet, and I kicked off my shoes hurriedly. I knew he would most likely follow me, and I wanted to avoid him now more than ever. Sitting atop the dock, I removed my socks and my vest, and then quickly pulled my hair back with a rubber band. Not thinking twice, I dove head first into the cool water, swimming against the current and out toward the horizon.

"Karen!" I heard again from behind me. I pretended not to notice and went promptly underwater again. I could hold my breath fairly long from years of practice. I waited a few moments to be sure he had left, then resurfaced. He was nowhere in sight.

I panted and tread water, letting the waves take me a little closer to shore. I had swam a fair ways out, and my blonde bangs were now plastered to my face. My thoughts were blurred. I went over the conversation I had just listened in on. For some reason, I felt like breaking something, and I was glad I was surrounded by nothing but water at the moment. I was angry and hateful, and I couldn't remember why I had even given Jack a chance in the first place.

When the sun had finally gone down and I could see the bright reflection of the moon in the water around me, I decided to swim back to shore, feeling as if I was pinned by a spotlight.

As I reached the sand again, I sat wearily on the edge of the shore, taking my sopping wet hair out of the band. My temper was beginning to cool off a little, but I still felt hurt. _Guys suck._ I thought. But as I began to think of a reason for it, it was too hard to find one. Sure, Jack had been nice to me as well as Ann, but what did that mean? It wasn't like he was _cheating _on me, because for one thing, we weren't even close to being in a relationship. And I guess that's what it came down to, that Jack was _nice_. He was sociable while I was not, and that's why I mistook him for only caring about me. Yet I still felt mad. I was angry at him. I was angry at Ann. I was hateful of every person he had come into contact with.

And then it hit me. I was_ jealous_. Jealous of Ann and every other girl in the city because they had spoken with Jack, perhaps even received a gift from him. And me, well... I was the one who was reluctant to even speak with him before the previous night. I was the one pushing him away, shooting offensive comments and pretending like I didn't care.

Perhaps I was turning into a green-eyed monster.


	5. The World Anew

**Chapter 5: The World Anew**

-.-.-.-.-

During the next few days, I made a point of avoiding Jack at all costs. I'd get up extra early in the morning to finish my chores right away, mumbling a halfhearted reply to Kai's amicable greetings, and then head up to my room to sulk for the remaining hours. I took a few "sick days" from the bar, feigning a bad chest cold. Though more accurately, all I had were mental issues.

However after five consecutive nights I was out of excuses. Chest colds didn't last too long. So, hoping Jack wouldn't be craving any milk that night, I grudgingly pulled on my vest and started on my way towards the bar.

As soon as I walked outside I was greeted again by a sweating, muddy Kai. _Great_, I thought. Sure, I was attracted to Kai, but I wasn't exactly feeling sociable at the moment.

"Hey Karen! Feeling better?" he asked, grabbing a towel and mopping his brow with it.

"Hmm, yeah... a bit." I attempted to make my way further out of the vineyard, hoping he would lay off.

It was wishful thinking.

"Headed to the bar?" I heard from behind me.

"Yep. I don't think I could afford another sick day," I said, speeding up my pace a bit. There was silence for a moment, in which I felt relieved, thinking he was done with me.

"Wait!" I heard him call just before I had made it out, and my plans were thwarted. "Can I come with you? I mean, I know you get there early and stuff to set up... but I could use a drink. I did some weeding today."

Now I felt guilty. I had completely forgotten that I was supposed to weed the vineyard that day because of all the things on my mind, and apparently Kai had done it for me. I was trapped.

"Oh, uh... yeah, sure," I mumbled. I was reluctant, but I couldn't say no. Not after he had saved me from another long lecture from my drunken father. He made a motion for me to hold on for a bit while he ran inside to grab his wallet. I sighed. There was no use being mean to him, and plus, I figured that maybe since Kai was with me, Jack would keep his distance if I happened to meet him along the way.

A few moments later, Kai emerged donning a fresh set of clothes. I wouldn't have thought this odd usually, but knowing Kai, he wasn't the one to care how he messy he appeared in public. Yet I decided not to say anything about it. I didn't want to start an inevitable conversation. As he approached, though, I also picked up a peculiar scent. It wasn't all too bad— but it wasn't all that alluring, either. I realized moments later that Kai had put on some cologne.

"Kai," I began, figuring he would have said something soon anyway, "what's with the cologne?" I asked. Despite the dark skin that highlighted the ever-so-nice features of his face, I could tell he was blushing.

"Um," he began, turning as if to examine the trees and shrubs we passed practically every day, "well, I made it myself. Do you like it?"

Now it was getting really awkward for me. I wasn't a complete moron, don't get me wrong— I knew _exactly_ what was going on. But _why..._ now there was an entirely different story.

"Yeah," I lied. The fact that he made it explained why it smelled faintly of grapes. Though I would have held back on including mountain herbs in the mix.

He seemed happy with my reply and smiled at me. I smiled back, though not genuinely. The fact that Kai was trying to impress me seemed to be creating the opposite effect on me. I could feel myself getting more and more uncomfortable with him. We continued a few moments without speaking, and I tried not to look anxious as we passed Jack's farm.

Kai soon broke the silence. "So, what time are you getting off tonight?" he asked.

"Um, I don't know," I replied, giving an honest answer for the first time that evening. "I haven't been there for a few days, and I might have to work a little late cleaning up and stuff, but it really depends on how many people are there."

"Oh," he said, looking a little disheartened. "Well, I mean... if you finish early, maybe we could go somewhere and hang out, or something..." He looked at his feet and quickly added, "if you want to."

I was now beginning to care less if Jack showed up tonight or not.

"Well, um, I guess it depends," I answered, not quite sure how to say no. "I mean, about how late it is and all... and I'm still a little congested..."

He took the hint. "Oh, well... all right. It's okay. Maybe some other time if you can't tonight."

He was making me feel worse by the second. I wanted to be on good terms with Kai, but I wasn't ready to be involved romantically with him. Or anyone, for that matter.

We walked in almost complete silence for the rest of the trip. It was almost six when we got there, and I hoped Duke would be fairly lenient seeing as how I was "sick" for the last few nights. I would make sure to come earlier for the rest of the week.

I said a quick goodbye to Kai as I went around the back to start my shift, and felt extremely relieved that our awkward walk was over. I liked Kai and all, but he was becoming a bit _too_ nice.

Fortunately Duke was in a good mood that night, so he didn't say much more than a, "try to be here a little earlier next time," to me as I came in. I nodded and got to work, serving Kai quickly and walking constantly into the back room, rearranging boxes and drinks. I was glad there was a rather large crowd after all, and as far as I could tell, no Jack. I found myself being lifted into a better mood by the minute. I served everyone as hastily as I could, receiving rather generous tips for the quick service (apart from my father of course), and managed to clean up the back room quite a bit. Duke seemed pleased as well.

"Well Karen, it seems those days off have done some good. I might just have to give you a one week break every so often," he said, looking impressed. I smiled, telling him it was no problem. I heard the bell ring from the other room and told him I needed to get back to work. He nodded and chuckled amusedly to himself.

The smile was still plastered on my face as I walked back into the main room. As I saw who my newest customer was, I was surprisingly indifferent.

"Hey, Karen!" I heard Jack call, and I gave him a small wave. Why I was pretending as if I hadn't just spent the last week or so ignoring him, I wasn't sure. But my mood was still fairly better than it had been for a while, so I decided I would see if things would become sorted out on their own.

As Jack approached me from the entrance, I saw him and Kai exchange looks. Perhaps it was just me, but it seemed that there was just as much bitterness in Jack's face as there was Kai's. I couldn't be sure, but I was amused. Usually that was the behavior of the _girls_ in the village.

Jack turned back to look at me as he drew within three feet of me. He flashed me one of his classic smiles. I grinned a bit and asked, "So what'll it be?" He ordered the usual and took his normal seat.

Contemplating my actions, I headed into the back room to get it for him. Duke was still there, observing my work, and he looked back up as I entered.

"Why so happy tonight, hm?" he asked, observing my jubilant expression.

"I dunno," I answered, grabbing a carton of milk from the shelf. "I guess those days off _did_ help."

"Well I'm glad to hear it. I like this Karen I'm seeing. Keep it up, okay?" he said as I began to exit the room.

My thoughts dwelled upon it. _This_ Karen. Did that mean I had finally changed for the better? I hoped so, but I couldn't find out what had happened to cause it. But I liking this Karen better too, that was for sure.

"Here ya go," I said as I set the warm glass of milk before the cheerful farmer.

"Thanks!" he said, tossing me a rather large tip.

"Thank _you_," I replied with a smile, and I left to grab a cloth to wipe the counter. Though, just as I had started, Duke came up to me.

"That's good for tonight, Karen. You've well made up for the nights you've missed. Get some rest," he told me, handing me my pay. 1500 gold. My eyebrows lifted.

"But Duke, this is—" I began, but he cut me off.

"I know, but a permanent raise is in order if you keep on smiling like that," he said. To someone else, this might have sounded weird coming from the old bartender, but I knew him better than that from the many nights I had spent at the bar, even before I had began working there— and he seemed more a fatherly figure to me than my own. I thanked him, and went to wash up.

As I came back out again, I noticed Kai was no longer there. After waiting a few hours he must have figured I wasn't going to be up to going anywhere with him, which was probably for the better.

Yet I hoped I could talk to Jack a bit more before I went home. I wanted to clear up what had happened. Plus I was feeling energized, and I didn't want to waste it. For all I knew, I would be back to my cranky old self the next morning. Fortunately I saw him finish off his glass just as I approached his table, and he looked about ready to leave.

"Hi," I said, sitting down across from him.

He seemed rather surprised, seeming as I had never taken then initiative to start a conversation with him before.

"Hey, haven't seen you in a while!" he said, apparently oblivious to the fact that I had done that on purpose. I gave a small laugh.

"Yeah, got a little bit sick..." I said simply, for I didn't want to dwell on it. I wasn't looking for small talk. Instead I cut to the chase. "Hey, Jack... do you have to head back right away?" Instantly I found myself hoping I didn't come off as Kai had to me.

"Nope," he smiled, apparently knowing where I was headed. "I'm all finished with everything for today." He didn't seem weirded out, so I figured I would continue.

"Um, do you think we could go somewhere and talk then?"

"Yeah, of course. What do you think of the beach?"

"Heh, yeah... the beach sounds good." I said, ignoring his sarcasm. I was just happy he had agreed and wasn't pulling a me. I now felt sorry for Kai, for I could imagine how he felt when I shook him off. I wasn't even asking Jack to go out in the same way he had tried to ask me. Though I tried not to worry about it. I just wanted to resume my friendship with Jack. More than that, I wanted to change myself. For good.

When we arrived at the beach it was nearly midnight. I hoped Kai would be asleep when I got home for I didn't want him knowing I was out— especially with Jack.

We came to sit on the edge of the dock, and I let my feet dangle in the water, as I always did. He followed suit.

"So," he began, "what's up?"

I took a deep breath. "Well, I just wanted to clear things up about, er, the other day." I could tell this would be harder than I had originally thought.

"Oh," he said, and I was sure he was still confused about it. "Yeah, what exactly _happened_?"

I explained to him honestly that I had overheard him with Ann. As I recounted the story, I felt more and more like an idiot. Why _had_ I gotten so worked up? When I had finally finished, I looked down at my feet in the water. I was embarrassed.

"I see..." he said after a moment's silence. "Well, I didn't know it was social taboo here to be nice to more than one girl..." I could tell he was serious. I felt even more like a moron.

"No, no, that's not it..." I sighed, and figured I'd might as well tell him the rest of the truth. "I guess I was just... erm... just a little bit jealous, maybe. I thought that perhaps you only wanted to be friends with _me_." I halfway smiled. I was still embarrassed, yes, but I was reminded of my childhood days, when it seemed something could only be owned by a single person. He laughed a bit too.

"Oh, is that it? I see.." he said, looking down at the water now. "Well, if it means anything... I think you're more interesting than all the other girls in town anyway."

I looked at him quizzically. "What? But I've been so mean to you and everything."

"Yeah, but I think that's only your front, Karen. I could tell right when I met you that there was something about you that was kind and gentle, and you've just shown me that I was right in my assumption," he told me, smiling. I knew there was truth in that, and I was more than glad that he had seen it.

"Yeah," I replied, relieved now. "Thanks, Jack."

We ended that part of the conversation, and I looked out toward the horizon. The water seemed endless; it stretched as far as I could see, and it made me feel as if Jack and I were the only two people in the world that moment. I could tell he was looking out at it too, for he was silent. For a moment I felt those same feelings I had a week before. But they were still leaning more towards a genuine friendship, and I was comfortable with that. Perhaps things would develop in time, but I needed a while to sort myself out before I jumped into anything else. And plus, there was Kai to think of.

"I can see why you like it here," Jack said suddenly, shaking me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah, I love the ocean. It's the one place in this town I can come to for solace," I explained.

"What's wrong with the town?"

"Nothing, really. It's just, well— I hate routine. It's what my entire life has been made up of. I guess coming here comforts me because, well, I've always wished that someday I might be able to see what's out there. To go to the city." Again I remembered when I had chided Jack on his first day here, calling him a "cityboy". I was immediately remorseful for it. Though he didn't seem to remember, or rather, pay attention to it.

"Eh, the city is nothing great, believe me," he said, leaning back on both of his arms. "I like it here much better, in fact."

His statement surprised me.

"Why? I mean, _anything_ is better than routine, right?" I asked.

"Not really. In cities there can be horrible people, Karen. They're nothing like the people here, who are all so friendly and honest." I found that particular phrasing interesting. "And I hope you never have to see what I mean. There are people who steal out of greed, who back stab for entertainment— who kill out of hatred or even out of selfishness. They can be an awful place to live."

I was shocked. I never imagined that there could be such evil— I had thought that the worst of Flower Bud was well, found in myself. And I would _never_ do anything like that.

"Beside, routine is all in the way you look at it," he continued. "It's not really all that bad."

"Heh, well... you haven't lived here all of your life, Jack. You haven't done the same thing _every_ day for as long as you could remember," I said defensively.

"Yeah, I know. But it's actually similar in the city. It's almost impossible to escape routine. What I mean is, things don't have to be the same if you don't look at them that way."

I wondered about this, and asked him to explain.

"Well, take the ocean for instance," he said, picking an example he knew I would understand. "It seems that all the waves do all day is rise and fall, roll in and out, ebb and flow." I knew that well, for I had thought it myself. "Though, if you think about it, they're always different. Water is always moving, no matter how still it can seem. One wave is composed of entirely different water molecules, from places all around the world. The water touching our shore today could be in China tomorrow, and England next week. It's amazing, if you think about it."

And it was. I'd never thought about it that way. "Yeah, I get what you mean. But how does different _water molecules_ have to do with planting, watering, and harvesting grapes every year for your entire life?"

"Well, each day is composed of different things, like the waves are of water," he explained, still using the ocean analogy. "Sometimes it's high, and sometimes it's low... but the tide comes in all the same. So, what I'm trying to say is... each day is different. Sometimes they're good, and sometimes they're bad... but you always end up in the same place you are now. No matter how fast or slow time seems to go, you're always in the present. You get it?" he looked at me hopefully.

"Uhh, maybe. It just might be hard adjusting to thinking like that." I smiled. "Thanks, Jack." I said.

"So are you still thinking of going to the city?" he asked.

"I don't know anymore," I replied honestly. If what he had told me was true, I was having serious second thoughts about it.

"Well, I hope you do stay here," he said. "Flower Bud would be dull without you." I could still see his eyes shining despite the darkness. It seemed they were as bright as the stars. I marveled at the person Jack was. I had barely begun to know him, that much was true— but I was sure I would grow to respect him even more in time. And I looked forward to it.

It was then that I was sure I had moved past the threshhold and was starting to change. I now wanted to, more than ever, see the world differently. To see more than the seemingly consistent ebb and flow of my life.

And I was glad to know that I would have someone beside me all the way.


	6. Dance Under the Moon

**Chapter 6: Dance Under the Moon**

-.-.-.-.-

What is it about the ocean that causes one's head to turn when it comes into view? I mean, no matter if you've seen it once or a thousand times, it always seems to grab your attention. Yet, when you think about it, all it is is a large body of a water, and we come into contact with water every day. But I guess the fact that it is a body of water that stretches farther than the eye can see is captivating— and perhaps that is why we turn.

I guess the thing that had really drawn me to the ocean was the sounds and atmosphere. The gentle music the waves made when rolling back and forth on the bank were like a lullaby, and the soft tickle of the cool waves on my bare feet set me at peace. Once I'd found a comfortable spot in the sand, it seemed as if I could lay there forever and never get bored. I used to imagine myself in rhythm with the never-ceasing waves, my body rising and falling as each wave climbed to its peak and then descended again. I pictured myself drifting out farther than I could ever see on the beach, carried by the waves toward a far off city. Water was my ally, my friend— my escape. It would let me drift off into my own world, some place away from Flower Bud, and away from the life I knew.

But I didn't see it that way anymore. Of course I still loved the ocean, the sand, the air, the waves— but I had become happy where I was. At least, for the most part.

Jack and I often met at the beach before our nightly routine at the bar each day to talk about our pasts. He explained that he was from a small town a few miles away from the ocean, his father was a businessman and his mother deceased. He had no siblings nor pets, so he would usually sit at home by himself most the time, his father always at work. I couldn't help feeling sorry for him, but I secretly wished that was the relationship I could have with my father. I would take silence over constant feuding. I also told him about how my mother used to the best dancer there was for miles and miles, and how the vineyard was the producer of some of the finest wine the world ever knew— Door to Heaven. I explained that the day my grandma died was the day everything began to fall to pieces. My father, who had relied solely upon my grandmother's presence to produce wine found that he could not replicate the taste that had made the vineyard so successful. The wine began to get worse and worse, until our vineyard became practically neglected. My mother lost her passion for dancing, and she began to sulk over the loss of income and my father's newfound drinking problem. As for me, I was only a child then, but I remembered it as if it were yesterday.

Despite the fact that it had been less than a week since I had made up with Jack, I felt like I had known him for years. I felt as if I could connect with him more than anyone else, and I was grateful. I eagerly awaited our conversations on the beach each day and the fun we had at the bar throughout the evening. Jack was already the best friend I had ever had. And perhaps secretly, though I didn't like to admit it to myself, I felt myself edging away from the "just friends" mode. Yet I was cautious; I still didn't want to think of him like that. I was afraid it would ruin our newfound relationship.

And yet, I couldn't help it. Jack was interesting, funny, smart, wise, good-looking... the list could go on. How could I _not_ start to feel that way about him? Sure, I guess you could call it the beginnings of a silly crush. Perhaps that was all it would ever be, and I didn't think it would last long.

That night was my night off at the bar, and I had agreed to meet Jack on the beach at 6:15. It was the night before autumn began, and I knew I would be busy harvesting and stomping grapes for the next thirty days. Who knew when I would have enough free time to go to the beach again? I had arrived a little early so I could sit by myself as I always did and think. But the sun was now starting its decline and I knew Jack would arrive soon. I sighed and rested my chin on my knees, watching the waves. I remembered the promise I had made to myself that night a week ago when I had spoke with Jack. That I would see the world with different eyes, and appreciate the things I had never appreciated before. That I would forget about the bad feelings and the sad times I had felt before— for I could not seek a new world while bound with chains of the past. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. This was the Karen I had wanted to be for so long, and the one I was now becoming. I was happy.

I felt someone sit down next to me. I opened my eyes to find Jack with the same friendly look on his face, the same brightness in his eyes. I never got tired of it.

"Good evening," he said quietly.

"Hi," I replied. I relaxed and took in the atmosphere. It was peaceful, calm... it was perfect for the mood I was in. Jack and I sat in silence for several minutes, watching the sun turn the sky from blue to orange and pink and then to grey. The first stars appeared above our heads. I knew they would fill the sky tonight.

"When I lived in the city, I used to watch the sunset every night," Jack said, finally breaking the silence. I turned to look at him. He was staring down at the water, reminiscing. "It reminds me of my mom, when she was alive. She and I would always watch the sunset, and then we'd lie back on the grass and gaze at the stars together. But I haven't seen a night sky so bright and beautiful since then. After she died the stars were dimmer. Seeing the sky here truly reminds me of those nights. It's like my mom's happy with my decision to come here, like she's smiling down at me from Heaven."

His words brought a tear to my eye. I knew he had really loved his mother, and she was taken from him before her time. Knowing that mine was alive and breathing made me feel guilty, and I knew I should appreciate her so much more. I was silent.

"Anyway," he said after a few moments, a smile returning to his face, "I brought something. I thought you might like it."

He stood up and dug in his rucksack for a minute or two. I tilted my head, giving him a questioning look. Finally he pulled out what seemed to be an old block of rusted metal. Uh, okay... had he brought a hunk of iron?

"Jack, what the h-" I began, but he quieted me.

"Just listen..." he said, and he turned what appeared to be a knob on the back of it. I listened expectantly as a soft tinkling tune began playing from it. It was a music box. Memories came flooding into my mind.

"Hmm, a music box... that's Dance Under the Moon, isn't it? Brings back memories." I closed my eyes. "I remember that from long ago, deep down in my heart." And then, as if I had known them for years, I began singing the words.

"_When it seems that the world has turned to grey,_

_When your hopes for tomorrow have died today,_

_When the stars in the sky have begun to fade,_

_Just dance, dance under the moon..."_

I was a child, dancing on the dock, twirling and jumping. I heard the music fill me, as if taking me to another world. I could picture it as clear as if I were there all those years ago; a little boy standing along side me, watching.

I stood up on the edge of the dock, letting the music ring through my mind, my spirit. Gracefully, I began twirling, like I did all those years ago. I let the music overtake me, moving my hands and feet in perfect syncopation. My eyes were still closed, but I could see the night sky, the stars shining, and there amongst them the moon, full and bright. I felt my feet lightly touching the ground, and I felt relaxed and peaceful. The feeling stuck even as the music began to fade and I slowed, finishing up my dance. Eventually I heard it stop and I became still, bowing my head. "So long ago..." I whispered, still caught up in my reverie. A little boy standing along side me, watching...

I came back to reality and snapped my eyes open. As my vision came back into focus, I saw Jack, a soft smile on his face, wearing a look of understanding. _Could it be...? _I thought, breathless. But I came back to my senses. _No, of course not_... I reminded myself of reality. _I only imagined it._

"Sorry," I told him, starting to feel slightly embarrassed now. "I just remember that song, from somewhere..." I explained. He let out a small chuckle.

"So it seems," he said. "You're a wonderful dancer, Karen."

"I've danced for as long as I can remember. My mother began teaching me when I was very young." I began to long for my mother, for the way she had used to be. Dancing had been the only thing we shared.

"It's for you," Jack said, shaking me out of my nostalgia. "I thought you might like to keep it." He held out the old box, offering it to me. I was speechless.

"Wh-what? For me?" I said, taking it gently into my hands. "Wow, Jack. I'll take good care of it." I was shocked, amazed, and happy at the same time. I had received a few gifts before, some of them being from Jack, but never one like this. One that held so much history, so much feeling, so much memory...

"I'm glad you like it," he said. "If there's anything else that'll make you dance like that again, just let me know, and I'll be sure to give it to you." He laughed. I laughed, too. I still felt a little silly, but I was no longer embarrassed.

"Well, good night, Karen," he said, and I was reminded of how long we had been out there. It had seemed to go by so quickly. "I have to go, but I might come to the vineyard tomorrow. Good luck," he said, beginning to head off.

I was painfully reminded of the next day. After tonight, I wanted free time to think, listen to the music box, to dance. I wanted to be with Jack even more.

"Wait, Jack," I called, right before he had stepped off of the dock and onto the sand. He turned and looked at me, smiling a bit, but not in the same friendly way. I walked over to where he was, the music box still in my hands. "Thanks, I mean it... this means so much to me." I told him, genuinely. And then I hugged him for what seemed like ten minutes, feeling the last bit of "just friends" melt away. I was the Karen who now took chances, and this was one I wouldn't just pass on by.

"You're welcome," he whispered into my ear after a minute or so. "Good night." He pulled away, smiling still, and then leaned and kissed me softly on the cheek. Then he walked off of the beach and headed back to his farm. I stood watching, a bit surprised at what had just happened, but not disappointed. Of course, it wasn't a dramatic kiss on the lips, or a whispered, "I love you", or anything of that nature. It was just a sweet, innocent kiss on the cheek.

But for now it was more than enough.

* * *

_AN: So the song is based off of the one at the beginning of Back to Nature, it's not actually on HM64. (Though I did take the dialogue out of the game again.) Try and hear it in your mind while reading it. :)_


	7. Bruises on Her Heart

**Chapter 7: Bruises on Her Heart**

-.-.-.-.-.-

It was autumn, and the days seemed to drag on and on. I felt as if seasons had passed since Jack had given me the music box, yet it was merely three days. I hardly had seen him since then, for I had to cut my shifts shorter at the bar in order to double my efforts at the vineyard. And even then we hardly had the time to talk. Fall was also the season of drinking, and therefore the bar was loud and crowded each night. Swaying, drunken men called my name left and right, demanding another drink even though they had already reached their limit. By the end of each day I was exhausted, and I would fall asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow, no matter if I had changed from my filthy clothes or not.

So far, today had been no different. I could feel the hot sun baking my skin, which was covered in a thin layer of dust. I was sure I looked terrible, but I knew I couldn't pause from pulling the small grapes off the vines. It was our only source of income. My father had stopped to drink on an empty barrel, his cheeks red and glistening with sweat. I knew he hadn't worked half as hard as Kai and I had, yet I knew I couldn't accuse him of it, for he would just make us work twice as hard.

Sweat was pouring down Kai's face as well. He had long since taken his bandana off and was using it as a cloth to dab his face with. His tanned face was indifferent yet hardset, and he worked rigorously without complaining. We were always grateful for Kai's work during the fall, I couldn't imagine how much longer it would have taken without him. He had come from a lifestyle where he was used to working constantly for scraps of food each day, and so when we hired him about ten years ago he was more than capable. Secretly, I wished I could handle the workload like he could. My mind was always full of constant complaints and criticisms, and I was filled with anger towards my lazy father and moping mother.

Yet I finished my work all the same. Each fall I would pick hundreds if not thousands of small, purple grapes... each year hoping they would produce the taste my grandma was so successful for. But they never tasted any differently, ever since the year she had died.

It had only been three days into the season and I was already worn from the heavy labor. My deep new way of thinking converted back to shallow and exhausted. I didn't want to find the good in the situation, and I didn't want to hold my tongue every time my father screamed at me from where he sat resting. Yet I didn't give in completely. Merely seeing Jack once a day and saying a quick "hello" reminded me of the promise I had made to myself as well as him.

And today I needed to be reminded of that promise more than ever. Just then I heard my father yell out at me, swearing and complaining because of the few grapes I had just absent-mindedly stepped on. I clenched my teeth and tried to block out his voice, fumbling with the vine in front of me. I heard my mother sigh from behind me. Kai was keeping to his work, also pretending not to hear my drunken father's profanity. Yet after a few moments the yelling stopped, and I heard my father rise from the barrel.

"LISTEN TO ME, YOU STUPID GIRL!" he called out, advancing upon where I stood. I kept tugging at the grapes, my grip increasing as I tried to keep my mouth from firing an indignant retort. "_KAREN!"_ he screamed, his voice lowering into a deep growl. I squeezed the grapes so hard they burst. I felt the cool juice seeping onto my hands.

Just then I felt my body forcefully turned around. My father was a deep shade of red, sweat was dripping down his cheeks and neck, and his eyes were squinted in half-rage and half-intoxication. I stared him full in the face, still not uttering a sound.

And then he hit me. It took me completely off guard; my father had yelled, he had kicked our furniture, and he had thrown and broken several jars of wine— but he had never once before struck me. I heard a slight shriek issue from my mother, and I felt my father slap me again. I was too shaken to defend myself. I let my knees bend and finally collapse onto the ground, tears flowing from my eyes. My cheeks stung and my head was filled with pain. He lashed at me again and again— until suddenly he stopped, held back by an interfering Kai. I lay on the ground, helpless and sobbing.

I couldn't remember most of what happened next. I heard Kai yelling now, the first time I had ever heard his voice rise in anger, and I heard my father swearing and fighting back. My mother had come over to me, bent over my side, holding me in vain. My vision focused and unfocused, and I put a hand to my raw cheeks. I had endured physical pain before— to a worse degree than this— but the source of it made it the worst pain I had ever felt in my life. My whole body burnt and shook in a feverish state. I heard my father go down in the background, passed out from either the alcohol or a blow to the head. Then I saw Kai make his way to me, bruised and bleeding, his face etched with a look of disgust and hatred. His features turned sympathetic as he bent down at my side.

"Karen..." he said, and it sounded distant. "I'm sorry, Karen. I'm so sorry..." My mother backed away and I felt Kai's strong arms lift me from the ground and into his grasp. I threw my arms around his neck and buried my face in his chest. I couldn't fully comprehend what had happened yet. I didn't want to. I felt like a child, limp and feeble.

He brought me into the house and placed me upon his bed, for mine was upstairs. My mother brought in a cool cloth and started soaking my forehead and cheeks, wiping the tears from my eyes. At that point I realized that I never wanted to see my father again. I hated him. I could never forgive him for what he had done. My mind was reeling with a thousands thoughts, most making no sense at all, and they became blurry until I felt my eyes grow heavy and close.

I awoke a few hours later, my eyes swollen and my head throbbing in pain. I sat up and realized I was still in Kai's room. My mother was sitting in the corner, and she looked up when she realized I had awoken. "Karen, your father..." she began. I knew what she was going to say. She was just going to make an excuse for him, and I didn't want to hear it.

"Don't even speak of him," I said quickly and angrily, the whole reality of what had happened coming to me. "I never want to see nor speak of him again."

"Karen..." she said wearily, knowing she could not persuade me. How could she even side with him? I got up from the messy bed. I didn't want to stay in the house. I couldn't as long as my father was there— unconscious or not. "Karen, where are you going?" I heard my mother utter before I closed the door.

I saw Kai working in the fields again, and I hurried past so he wouldn't see me and confront me. I didn't want to speak to anyone at the time being. I just wanted to escape.

I quickly walked toward the beach, hoping I wouldn't meet anyone on the way. Luckily it was Thursday and no one was at the ranch when I passed. Yet when I arrived I wasn't surprised to see a peaceful and pleasant Jack standing at the edge of the dock, fishing. I was unsure of whether I should turn and leave, of whether to tell him of my current situation or not, or if I should save it for another day. But before I could come to a conclusion he had turned around and was already waving me over. I approached him, cautiously and painfully, wishing to spill everything out at once, but not wanting to confuse him.

"Karen?" he said inquisitively, noting my ragged hair and puffy eyelids, "Karen... what happened? Is everything all right?"

His concern had opened the floodgate, and I broke down again. Everything came out in a rushed slur of words, yet Jack's horrified expression told me he comprehended every word I spoke. I told him about everything— of my attempt to hold my tongue to my mother's attempted apology— everything except of Kai and his interference. I couldn't find myself telling Jack about it, especially of him carrying me back into the house.

Jack's normally friendly disposition had melted away into a countenance of anger and loathing. "If I had been there, Karen..." he said, his fists clenched, "I swear, I would have... I wouldn't have let him lay a finger on you...I just can't believe..." I was still crying, and I felt Jack's arms close around me. "Karen," he said, slightly calmer now, "if he _ever_ comes near you again, or even threatens you in any way, just run to my farm... even if I'm not there you can stay for as long as you'd like."

His words were the only redemption of the day. "Thank you..." I mumbled, burying my face into his chest as I had Kai's. I felt protected and safe, and I remained in his arms until I had cried myself dry. He offered me a place in his farm for the night, but I reluctantly declined, for I knew I would eventually have to go home and face the music.

* * *

_AN: Cue typical one-liner ending. Hah, gotcha!_


	8. Return of the Kiefu

**Chapter 8: Return of the Kiefu**

-.-.-.-.-.-

Four days had passed and friction still remained between my father and I. We had not muttered more than halfhearted grunts to each other, and we hadn't argued since. Still, tension was strong in our household, and meals at the dinner table were awkwardly silent. My mother and Kai did not say anything for fear of pouring any more oil on the flame. We still worked all day in the vineyard, yet it carried the same apprehensive feeling. I was eager to work my shift at the bar each night. My father had not gone since the night he had hit me. Duke and some of the other villagers began to ask what had happened to him, for he had not missed a night in a long while. Each time I would shrug and set down their drinks. I did not speak about it at all. I had become silent and untrusting of everyone.

Jack had noticed this about me as well. He never uttered a word of it to me nor to any of the other villagers, but I felt his concerned glance follow me as I crossed the room. We had hardly talked since the day it had happened, and while I didn't feel as if we were any less of friends, I did see it as a delay in whatever our relationship was becoming and I wanted to open up to him again. I wanted to feel him holding me as I cried for awhile into his chest... and have that be the end of it. But something was holding me back, and I didn't know what.

When Duke finally told me I could go that night I had never been more relieved. I didn't know how much longer I could take the questions about my father's absence, the men's drunken jokes, and Jack's burning stare as I passed by his table. I left without a single word to anyone, and as soon as I found myself in the night air I shoved my hands deep into my pockets and hurried toward home. The weather was beautiful, but I took no notice. I focused solely on reaching my bed at home. I felt disconnected from everything, isolated and invisible, yet I was satisfied with remaining this way until I could sort things out in my mind. How I would do such a thing I had no idea, I just hoped that an answer would come to me soon.

As I made my way up the path toward the vineyard I felt strangely calm. I was empty inside—on the verge of breaking down again— yet this time I was hopeful. Things were changing and I knew it. I didn't know what lay ahead of me, but I felt that it was something good. Things were rough between my father and I, but perhaps this was the sign that things would be different. Maybe, just maybe, this would serve as his wake-up call. Or maybe not. But I was a different person now, that was for sure. And I felt that this new me was ready for things to change. I remembered my wishes to leave Flower Bud earlier that year. It almost seemed out of the question now... no matter how bad things got I wanted to stay. For many different reasons.

I entered the vineyard, feeling more peaceful than I had in a while. I could feel myself smiling for the first time that fall, and it felt good. And it was then that I noticed that something was happening. The vineyard was alive with glowing orbs of light which seemed to be dancing among the grapevines. At first glance I thought they were fireflies, but I soon realized they were far too large to be fireflies.

I stepped forward, entranced with wonder, as if I were walking into another world. And when I finally came close enough to see what they were, I stumbled backward in shock. Tiny fairies fluttered among the vines, kissing each grape they came upon. With each kiss the grapes seemed to come alive, a small glowing light would burn inside of them for a moment and they would grow to twice their original size. There seemed to be hundreds, all similar in appearance. Their long golden hair seemed to float gracefully about them as they flew among the vines, and they were clothed in a soft purple. I stood in utter amazement.

I turned and ran. I had to tell someone, anyone, so I would know I wasn't hallucinating. I needed to make sure it was real.

And so my feet carried me to the first and only place I could think of. Jack's farm. When I got there I ran to his door, knocking so loudly I feared I would wake the whole town. Only when I felt a tap on my shoulder did I stop and turn to see a surprised and slightly amused Jack. I took no time to explain, but grabbed his hand and dragged him quickly toward the vineyard. My thoughts and emotions were mixed, for I had never seen anything like it.

Jack had not said anything the entire way there— or at least that I knew of— and when I brought him up to where the fairies still danced among the grapes he remained silent. We stood watching them, taking in the moment. The scene was illuminated by their many lights, which held the faint tinge of green. I only took my eyes away from the glorious sight for a moment to look down at his hand, which still held mine tightly. I prayed that it wasn't a dream.

Soon the fairies started to drift away, satisfied with their work. After the last light had floated away I let go of Jack's hand and turned toward him. His eyes reflected the excitement we both felt.

"My grandma..." I began, a childlike eagerness in my voice, "once spoke of fairies who would come and kiss the grapes. She said they'd become the best grapes in the world with the Kiefu fairy's kiss. They were our family's protectors. I never knew..." I paused, reflecting back on the few memories of my grandmother that I had. "I never knew that these fairies were _real_..."

I laughed quietly, as if still unable to grasp what I had just witnessed. Jack continued watching me in silence, waiting to see if I had anything else to say.

Yet words failed me at that moment, so I turned back toward the vineyard and made my way to a nearby vine. The grapes still held a faint glow, the only remainder of the Kiefu fairies' visit. I took one in my hand, moving my thumb across its smooth surface. Then, plucking it carefully from the vine, I popped it into my mouth. The taste brought me back to when I was a small child, lazily picking grapes and eating the fattest and juiciest ones I could find. My grandmother's grapes. The best taste in the world.

After I had finished I picked another one from the vine and offered it to Jack.

"Try it," I said, "they're just as I remember them."

He took it gratefully, chewing it as if to savor the taste.

"The best grape I've ever had," he said with a hint of laughter in his voice.

I laughed aloud, happy and excited at what this meant for our vineyard. We could finally produce the wine my grandma had made us so famous for. We would no longer worry over finances and whether we'd have food on the table each night. My mother would no longer cry. My father would no longer yell. I could see it so clearly, so perfectly, as if it had always been that way... as if my grandmother had never left us. I had forgotten about all of my current worries for my family.

I felt my feet beginning to move, as they did when I first heard the music box again on the beach. When I was happy I danced, so I grabbed Jack by the hands, swinging him around with me. We laughed and danced and my mind swirled with memories of my grandma, memories of my childhood. Memories of my mother, dancing. The most beautiful dancer in the world. My father smiling and carrying me on his shoulders. His deep and hearty laugh. My grandmother, holding me on her lap, reading me a story before bed. And a little boy, holding hands with me as we swung each other around in circles, our chins stained with the juice from my grandmother's grapes.

I didn't know exactly when we had stopped dancing, but the next thing I knew Jack and I were holding each other, breathing quickly from spinning in circles. Our foreheads were pressed together, and I heard myself laughing. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw the light of the fairies again, who had come back to light up the night.

"There's one thing I don't get," I said, still breathing deeply, "why did they come back?"

Jack smiled. "I don't know," he said, though as if he really did know, "maybe they just needed to be... woken up."

And then I felt him kiss me softly yet surely on the lips. I didn't know how long it lasted, but I knew without a doubt that it was the best moment of my life.


	9. A Fall from the Sky

**Chapter 9: A Fall from the Sky**

-.-.-.-.-.-

The high I felt from the Kiefu Fairies' visit continued throughout the fall and more than halfway into winter. I found my life changing once again, and this time it was surely for the better. I could be found beaming with happiness from the early hours in the morning to the moment I drifted asleep at night.

But perhaps the most drastic change had occurred in my father. The morning after the sacred fairies' visit was the happiest I had ever seen him. He had run amongst the vines, pulling off grape after grape and popping them into his mouth, as if to make sure they all tasted the same. He had become the proud vineyard caretaker and the enthusiastic businessman that I remembered, and he no longer drank anything beside the juice from our grapes. We had not argued once that I could remember since that day, and for that I was the most grateful.

My mother also became the person I remembered in my earlier years. She had not cried in weeks, unless you counted her initial tears of joy. Her and my father were a solid team once again; she could be found at my father's side picking the grapes from morning until night. And, to my great joy, I had found the box that had once contained a pair of soft pink pointe shoes empty on the ground one day, and my mother nearby, dancing as if she had never given it up. She was delicate and graceful and held an excitable energy about her, as if she were suddenly young again— but most of all, she was beautiful.

We had soon found that the grapes had not only become bigger and much sweeter, but that they were growing at an extremely rapid rate, giving us more than three times the amount we had ever produced. Most of them we would crush and set in bottles to ferment for about a season, yet the grapes were so good that we were beginning to sell them on their own. I looked eagerly forward to when our vineyard would be famous once again, and how we would continue our grandma's legend: her Door to Heaven wine. Money was already beginning to flow in from the villagers as well as several other towns my father visited, and because of this I no longer needed to work at the bar in the evenings, but I continued anyway, for I felt it would be unfair to Duke who needed the assistance. Besides, I found myself becoming far more sociable than ever, and I enjoyed chatting with the villagers who came in, getting to know the people I had lived with my entire life. I was also becoming closer in friendship to Ann, who I'd see often on my way to the beach.

As for Jack and I, we were getting along better than ever, and were now "officially" a couple. We had gotten together at the Harvest Festival, only a few days after the night of the Kiefu Fairies, and spent pretty much all of our free time together, which had become more frequent during the winter without as many chores to do. Most of the time Jack would have to feed his cows, sheep, and chickens, which I would often help him with, and then we would head off to the beach. We were both content with merely talking and holding hands. I found I liked this much better than spending every moment in tight embrace. We were serious and we were goofy, and I simply loved being with him.

The only person I noticed who was not enjoying the season as much as my family and I was Kai. Of course he had been as thrilled as the rest of us when we found the vineyard had produced the world's finest grapes overnight, but his excitement died down quickly when he discovered Jack and I hand in hand one day. And my parents, who had taken a great liking to Jack, for he would bring them freshly picked vegetables and often helped around the vineyard, constantly invited him to eat with us. The majority of the time he would accept—only declining politely when he still had work to do— and the evenings he joined us for dinner Kai would eat quickly and then return to his room with only as much as a courteous "hello." I suspected the reason for his behavior of course, but I hoped he would eventually get over it and move on.

With all of the changes that had resulted from the one night of the fairies' visit, it seemed life was back to the way it was supposed to be. I was beginning to wonder why I had ever thought my life dull, and that nothing now could bring me down— but as fate seems to have it, I was eventually shaken from the clouds.

It happened one particular day when I had agreed to take a stroll around Moon Mountain with Jack. Earlier that day I had met with Ann at the bakery, and was thrilled to hear that her and Cliff, who I had recently found out was my cousin, were now a couple as well. The news had, even though I hadn't thought it possible, brightened my mood even more. We chatted girlishly about "the guys" for a long while, as well other things I wouldn't normally discuss with Jack, until I finally bid her farewell and set off toward Jack's farm. I could tell something was bugging him the moment he opened the door. His eyes, which were normally shining, seemed heavy with fatigue and clouded as if he were in deep thought. I asked him if he was still feeling up to the walk, but grabbing his coat, he merely nodded and we set off.

We walked in awkward silence all the way to the pond by the foot of the mountain until out of desperation I tried making small talk. I knew he would tell me what was wrong if he wanted to, and I wasn't going to pry it from him. We talked about the wine, which was almost ready to come out of the cellar, Cliff and Ann, which seemed to cheer him up a bit, cows, Kai, and whether or not we had ever seen the Potion Master open his eyes before. Eventually we had climbed to the top of the mountain and sat on the rocks overlooking the valley just as the sun began its descent.

"It's gorgeous, huh?" I said, looking out at the snow covered trees and mountains. "I'm glad I didn't leave."

I scooted in closer to him and rested my head on his shoulder, still gazing across the horizon.

"Yeah," he said, now starting to sound a bit dispirited again. "Beautiful."

I took my head from his shoulder and turned my body around to face him. I couldn't take it any longer.

"Look, Jack, I know something's bugging you," I said carefully, taking his hands in my own gloved ones. "Will you tell me what it is?"

He looked down, staring at the snow which had recently settled on the rocks. I heard him inhale deeply, as if he were about to plunge into the ocean.

"It's... well..." He looked up at me now, his blue eyes meeting mine. "My dad."

I understood now how hard of a thing this was for him to say. Him bringing up his father was rare, and I had only heard him speak of him once before, and that was well before we were together. I said nothing, but continued to listen, my eyes grazing over his face for a sign of what he was feeling.

"You see, he's not well. I received a letter from my aunt the other day... she said she doesn't know if he'll... er, if he'll make it." He had turned his eyes away from me now, and I was sure I they had been brimmed with tears. I, on the other hand, was speechless.

I managed an, "Ohh, Jack... I'm so sorry..." and wrapped an arm around him. He looked up again and I noticed the tears were gone, but his voice sounded weaker than it had before.

"I'm going to be leaving the farm to Doug, he's agreed to watch it... I have to leave for a while."

At this my heart dropped.

"How... how long do you think?" I asked. "A couple of weeks?"

"I don't know, Karen... if my dad does... well, if he doesn't make it, I'll have to tie some things up..."

The sun had now gone down and I could see his face was pale even in the darkness. I couldn't comprehend what he had told me... I knew it wouldn't be for long, but the fact that this had happened at that he was leaving when it seemed everything was going perfectly was a major letdown. But then I had an idea.

"Couldn't I go with you?" I asked hopefully. "I'm sure mum and dad would let me, if it's with you..."

"No, I wish you could, Karen... I really do... " he said, and I could tell he didn't want to leave me behind, "but it's... well, I feel I need to handle this on my own. I should have gotten to know my dad more and now... well now it might be too late."

I could see a tear running down his cheek now. I felt my heart crying along with him. I had nothing to say, nothing I could offer as comfort except for a hug.

"He'll be okay," I said, pulling away after awhile but keeping my hands on his shoulders, "You'll see, everything will be all right..."

I could see him smile in appreciation of my optimism, but I could tell he was doubtful.

"Thanks Karen," he replied. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

-.-.-.-.-.-

After we had parted and I had long been in bed, I was still mulling over our conversation. _It's not that bad..._ I thought, _not for me. He'll be gone for a few weeks, I can handle that. _I felt selfish thinking only of how this might affect me when his father was dying. But then again, I wished I could be there for him... I felt helpless staying behind when he was trying to balance all of this by himself. Though I could understand why he wanted to be alone. There were nights when I had wanted to sort things out by myself too, and I figured that if this were happening to me, I'd feel the same.

After a while, my thoughts were starting to wander and could feel sleep overtaking me. _It'll be okay..._ I thought, coming to a conclusion, _that's what Jack's taught me, anyway..._

And that was the last thing I remembered before I drifted off to sleep.


	10. Take Me Away

**Chapter 10: Take Me Away**

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Early the next morning Jack had set off. I woke early to be with him and to give my final goodbye— for I didn't know when the next time I would see him would be. He had hugged me for a long time on the beach, and I couldn't help but shed a few tears onto his shoulder. I was sad about his leaving, of course, but even more sad for him.

"Jack, I wish I could go with you..." I had said, looking pleadingly at him. "I want to be there for you..."

He frowned, knowing that I would do anything to help him.

"I know, Karen. I know." He hugged me tighter and whispered in my ear. "But you can't... and I'll be back soon. I promise."

Another tear slid down my cheek.

"Yeah, okay."

"Chin up, Karen. Remember, you're the one who wanted to get rid of me a couple seasons ago..." he said, smiling. I couldn't help but return his grin.

And then he had tilted my chin upward and gave me one last kiss goodbye. I felt all of my worries and reluctance disappear as he grasped me tightly, one hand on my lower back and the other behind my head, his fingers running through my hair. It was by far the most passionate kiss we had shared, and I remembered how much I didn't want him to go. When he finally drew away, I was rendered speechless.

"Goodbye for now..." he whispered. And then he turned and walked away toward the ferry.

I finally remembered my voice. "Jack!" I called, even though he was not very far away. He turned to look back. "Jack... I... I just wanted to say,"

I paused, considering my words. I felt sure about them.

"I love you, Jack."

He smiled. "I love you too, Karen," he said. And then he left.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Not two days had passed and I was still feeling miserable. _Why do I feel like this? Surely I must be stronger... _I'd thought. But then I realized I wasn't used to anyone leaving. Not anyone I'd loved this much... and it felt weird. I recalled a time when I was young and my father had set off for a month-long business trip. I had stood at the window every night, waiting for his return... only to be disappointed everytime he didn't show up. That was kind of how it felt now, only I wasn't as young and I loved Jack in a different way.

After a week went by the wine was ready, and my father had bundled up as much as he could and set off to a nearby island. I knew that once people had rediscovered our wine we'd be famous again in no time, and we'd no longer have to worry about our finances. Yet I couldn't bring myself to feel as excited as I would have been a week ago. I was grateful still, of course... but it now felt as if I had no one to share it with.

I spent time with Ann, of course, telling her how guilty I felt over Jack's departure. She seemed to sympathize with me. Yet she still had Cliff at her side every day, and I didn't really think she knew exactly _how_ bad I felt. I was slightly jealous of her because of it too... which in turn made me feel selfish. I knew I was falling back into my bitter, resentful self again yet I ignored it.

I spent a large part of every day sulking in my room, writing letters to the address Jack had given me (though I couldn't send them until Friday of every week because it was overseas) and reading romance novels. If I had taken a harder look at myself I would have noticed the pathetic sap I was being, but at the moment I didn't care. All I could think about was Jack, when he would return, if his father would be all right.

Kai, on the other hand, seemed happier than ever. I knew he was thinking of taking advantage of Jack's absence and it sickened me. I was cruel to him and tried to avoid him as much as possible. Yet with my father gone, and my mother being out and around the village more and more often it wasn't always that easy.

Two weeks had gone by after Jack had left and I was sitting in my room, writing another letter, when I heard a knock on the door. Thinking it was my mother, for she was the only one who ever entered my room, I folded up the letter and set it beside my bed. "You can come in," I called.

However, when the door slid open, I found it was not my mother, but Kai.

"Oh," I said apathetically. "Hi."

He wandered in cautiously, shutting the door behind him.

"What do you want?" I asked, trying to edge in a tad of bitterness.

"Hello, Miss Karen," he said in his usual polite way, "I was just coming to see what you were doing is all."

I didn't buy it. I looked up at him coldly, and his gaze immediately dropped to the floor.

"Where's my mom?" I asked, ignoring his statement completely.

"Oh, she went out," he replied, and all of the sudden I was wary.

"Oh, well... that sounds like a good idea, actually," I said, getting up and heading toward my shoes and jacket. "I think I'll just head to the—" I was about to say "beach", but was cut off by Kai, who had now moved from his position in front of the door to in front of me.

"Miss Karen, I know you are sad because of Mr. Harvest's leaving," he said hurriedly, placing his hand on my shoulder now. "But I don't want you to be sad. He's not worth your time if he is leaving you and not allowing you to come. You deserve someone better than him."

I was shocked and disgusted at the same time by his words. "What, like you?" I replied angrily, trying to move aside, but he now had a grip on me. "MOVE, KAI!" I yelled, whacking his hand off of me now.

"But Miss Karen—" I heard him say as I hurried towards the door.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I shouted as I slammed the door shut, leaving him with his mouth open in mid-protest in the center of my room. I ran angrily down the stairs and bumped into my mother, who was carrying a bag of fresh vegetables.

"I can't stay here with that _creep_ any longer!" I growled to her, then rushed out the door and to the beach.

Once I was there there I sat heavily on the edge of the dock and stuck my face in my hands._ Who does he think he is?_ I thought angrily, hot tears pressing at the corners of my eyes. _'Not worth my time'? I deserve 'someone better'? How _**_dare_**_ he tell me that, how dare he insult Jack at a time like this..._

I looked up and out across the ocean, hoping against all hope to see a small boat heading toward me carrying a smiling, waving Jack coming to save the day. But there was nothing. Just the vast, blue ocean and the ongoing ebb and flow of the waves. Suddenly I remembered what Jack had said to me a couple seasons ago, about the water of the ocean always moving, never remaining in the same place, and I wondered if the water which was now lapping against the shore was ever near where Jack was now.

With a sudden, perhaps slightly crazed impulse, I took off my jacket, shoes, and socks, and jumped headfirst into the icy cold water. My body was instantly freezing all over, but I didn't care. I swam far out from the beach, enveloped in the water, rising and falling with the current. My head was spinning, but all I could think about was reaching Jack, somehow. I would not leave him to deal with this by himself.

Soon I had swum so far out that I felt the current pulling me out even further. I looked back toward the shore, which was now a tiny speck. My body was numb, and my limbs were heavy, and I could hardly move them anymore. Then I heard a noise somewhere in the distance, seemingly miles away. It sounded... sounded as if someone was... calling me?

"Karen!" I heard, very faintly.

My thoughts whirred, and I saw black start to swarm in around me.

"KAREN!"

I opened my mouth to speak just as the blackness overtook me.

"_Jack?_" I said.

* * *

_AN: Na na na na na na na na CLIFF-HANGER! (To the tune of 'Batman'.)_


	11. Remember Me?

**Chapter 11: Remember Me?**

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"_Promise me you'll come back, okay?"_

_"I promise," he said. And then he walked away. I watched him go, tears in my eyes._

_My best friend, a little boy... visiting his grandfather._

_Will I really see you again? I wondered._

Other voices started to flood in now. A light was shining up ahead. I stirred, attempting to open my eyes.

In a moment I could see. I was in a room, and there were many people looking over me. Who were these people? Where was I?

I opened my mouth as if to speak. Nothing came out.

"Karen?" one of them said. "Karen, dear, can you hear me?"

Karen?

"Give her some space," a deeper voice said. "She's been out for quite a while. She's still dazed."

Me? Were they talking about me? I look around, gazing at the faces before me.

"Where... where am I?" I managed.

One rushed forward to answer me. A woman, tiny around the waist and red around the eyes, her brown hair tied back into a tight bun, started speaking.

"Karen, honey, you're in your room. Remember? You went too far out in the sea. You almost drowned. Kai saved you, honey."

I did not understand her. Almost drowned?

"Hmmm," I heard the deeper voice sound again. Then he inched forward, a darker man in a white suit, and lifted my head into his hands, turning it from side to side. What was he doing? "I'm sorry to say this..." I heard him say. "But your daughter had received a blow to her head after being unconscious underwater. Most likely a rock. I'm afraid that's caused her to, well, forget everything."

I heard the woman gasp.

"You mean she doesn't know who we are?" she asked, her voice trembling.

"It seems so. Usually this only results in severe head trauma, which I don't think she suffered... but perhaps the combination of the ice cold water caused even more damage than she normally would have taken. She'll be okay, though. Just a little amnesia."

"Amnesia?" the woman yelled, her red eyes wide. "How am I supposed to communicate with her? What can I do? Will she ever get her memory back?"

I gazed blankly at the man's face. Was this man bad? Why was he making her upset?

"Yes, she'll probably come to remember things in time. There might be a few foggy areas, and it is possible she will never remember the last few weeks, ranging as far back as a couple seasons, without some strong emotional or mental cue."

"A couple seasons, you say?" I heard another deep voice say. I looked over to another man, not as dark as the man in the white suit, but much more young and handsome.

"Possibly," the man in the white suit replied. "She'll start remembering distant memories first," he continued. "Some from her early childhood. She may even act like she did then. Then she'll slowly progress to remembering more recent memories. Kind of like a chain reaction. Though it will take some time, she'll eventually remember who she is and what's going on."

The woman with the bun was crying. I felt bad for her.

"Now, let's let her have some more rest. Give her some space, and encourage her in trying to remember who she is and how you're related to her. Though don't pour it on her all at once. She'll eventually come round."

"Thank you, doctor," the woman sniffled.

He nodded then left the room, followed by others who had not spoken. The woman and the handsome dark-skinned boy stayed in the room a little longer, looking at me.

"Oh, Karen..." the woman said, and then she left. I could see the boy give me a slight smile, and then he followed her.

So many thoughts whirled through my head. Who am I? Where am I? I must be "Karen" according to these people, but what does that mean? Can I escape? What's wrong with me? Why did they all stare at me like that? Why did the woman cry? Will I ever get out of here?

Eventually I could think of no more questions and I drifted back off to sleep.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Sometime later, I found myself back in the room again. It was quieter than before. I pushed back the covers and stared at my feet. They were pale, as were my hands, and I was wearing some light colored clothes. Were these mine?

I got up timidly, searching around the room. I knew I must be in a house, I knew what houses were... but I did not know whose this was. Was it mine?

I found the door and opened it. Slowly, I looked out and down across the room below. I was up high, and there were stairs leading down into the next room. I carefully went down them, holding tightly onto the rail, until I came to the hardwood floor below.

I looked around, hoping to find someone who would help me. Could they tell me where I was?

I stood for a long while, looking across the room, at the ceiling, the walls, the floor... it all seemed very familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then I saw a picture on a nearby wall and went to examine it. It was of some people. There was a man, who was very tall and had dark brown hair as well as dark brown eyes. Right beside him there was a woman... the woman I had seen earlier in the room. Then, on her lap, there was a little girl. She had long, brown hair, with some lighter hair in the front. She smiled happily from the woman's lap. Who was she?

Suddenly I heard footsteps behind me and turned quickly from the picture. It was the boy from earlier. I didn't want him to get mad at me for looking at it, so I opened my mouth to explain. "I'm sorry, I was just-"

He interrupted me. "Oh, it's okay." He looked a bit confused, as well as a bit wary. "Are you hungry?" he asked.

Hungry? I thought about this. "Uhhh..." I said. I felt my stomach growl. Oh yes, of course! My eyes lit up.

"Yes!" I shouted, rather unexpectedly. He laughed, then took me by the hand. I looked down, eyes wide, as he did so.

"It's okay," he said, noticing my behaviour, "I'll take you to the kitchen, and then you can eat." I nodded.

He led me into another room, and I noticed more pictures on the wall as I entered. It was a larger room, unlike the two I had previously been in, and there was a table with four chairs around it in the center. I saw flowers on the table, and glasses on some shelves. How could I remember what these objects were, and not who or where I was?

The boy let go of my hand and went to some nearby cabinets. He opened them and started taking out some boxes, putting them on a counter. I suddenly remembered I was supposed to ask him some questions.

"Where am I?" I asked.

"Where?" he replied, turning to look at me. He was smirking. "This is where you live, Miss Karen."

"Miss Karen?" I repeated, then. "Is that my name?"

"Yes," he said, now pouring something from one of the boxes into a large bowl. "Well, just the 'Karen' part. 'Miss' is a prefix."

"Prefix?"

"Oh, never mind. Your name is Karen."

"Okay," I replied, still confused. "My name is Karen and this is my house."

"Right." He handed me the bowl along with the spoon. I began eating it savagely. "Err..." I heard him say, and I looked up from the bowl of food. "You should probably eat that sitting down. You might hurt yourself at the rate you're going."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, yes." I said. I went over to the table and sat down in one of the chairs.

"Wow, I'm surprised you remembered you eat there," he said after I had starting eating rapidly again.

I nodded. I remembered basically what objects were, just not anything specific.

"What is this stuff?" I asked, after handing him the empty bowl. He took it to the counter and poured more in.

"Cap'n Crunch," he replied, laughing. "It's your favorite breakfast food."

"Is it?" I asked. It made sense. "Yeah, I guess it is."

He came back and gave me the bowl, along with a glass of something steaming. Then he sat down in the chair next to me.

"Here is some hot tea," he said. "Another one of your favorites. I'd give you wine, which you like best, but the doctor said alcohol would probably not be wise."

"Okay." I said, not really understanding him. I took a sip from the cup and put it back down quickly. "Ouch!" I exclaimed, feeling my tongue burn.

"Oh... yeah, it's still hot. You have to wait," said the boy, pushing the cup back from me.

"Oh," I said. "What is your name?" I now remembered I didn't yet know it.

"Kai," he said, smiling.

"Okay, Kai," I repeated. "Thanks for the Cap'n Crunch and tea."

"Of course," Kai said, still smiling.

Just then the door opened and I saw the woman I had seen before come in. She was carrying some bags in her arms. Kai got up and went to help her. When she saw me, her eyes widened.

"Oh, I see you've finally gotten up, Karen," she told me. I nodded, because I remembered Karen was my name.

"Kai gave me some Cap'n Crunch and tea," I said.

"Oh, he did?" she was speaking slowly, as if I couldn't understand her words. "That's nice. What have you been doing today?"

"I just got up. I saw a picture over there." I pointed toward the portrait I had seen. "I'm sorry if I wasn't supposed to look," I added quickly.

The woman laughed goodheartedly. "Ohh, it does not matter. Do you know who the people in the picture are?"

"Well, one of them is you, right?" I asked.

"Yes, one of them is me. Do you know who the other two people are?"

I shrugged. Her eyes lit up. "Come here, I'll show you..." she said, smiling warmly.

I got up from the table and took my empty bowl to the sink. Then I followed the woman into the room with the picture. I stood behind her while she pointed at each person in the picture.

"This is your father. He's away on a business trip right now, but he'll be back home soon," she said, pointing to the dark-haired man.

"My... father?" I repeated, confused. I couldn't remember him. "So is this..." I pointed to the little girl, "... me?" The woman nodded. "And you're my...?"

"I am your mother," she smiled, though it wasn't the same warm smile she'd had on before.

"Oh, I see..." I said. "Where is Kai? In the picture, I mean."

"Oh, well... Kai wasn't with us then," she replied.

"Is he younger than me?"

"No, he's a little older, in fact. He came from a different place to help us here, a few years ago."

I was confused. "So he's not my brother, then?" I asked.

"No, not your brother," she answered.

I turned to go back upstairs.

"Where are you going?" my mother asked, concerned.

"To think," I replied.

I entered my room and sat upon the bed. My bed. I was frustrated. Why couldn't I remember these people? Why couldn't I remember who I was? My name was Karen, I knew that much, and only that much. How old was I? I didn't know... I couldn't think. I searched my mind for anything... but it was blank.

All except for one memory. The memory of the departing little boy. Was he still a little boy? Where did he go? I didn't even know what I liked and didn't like without someone telling me. How long would this last? Should I just pretend that I've known these people for years, as they said I have?

Everything was so confusing. I was lost. When would I remember?

Would I ever remember?


	12. Castles of Sand

**Chapter 12: Castles of Sand**

-.-.-.-.-.-

"Hey Karen, I got you something." I watched as Kai crossed the room toward my bed, upon which I was currently sitting. I raised my eyebrows at him.

"Really? What is it?" I asked, trying to see what it was he was holding behind his back.

"You have to close your eyes first," he told me teasingly. "Come on, I'll tell you when you can open them again."

I smiled and closed my eyes, waiting for him to tell me when to open them.

"Ta da!" he exclaimed a few moments later, and my eyes fluttered open. A large, bright array of flowers was before my eyes, obviously picked only a short time ago. "Do you like them? They're the first flowers of spring!"

I took them excitedly from his hands.

"Aww, how sweet! Thanks, Kai!" I replied, getting up and placing them in an empty vase near my window.

It had been three days since I had woken up not knowing who or where I was. With the help of Kai, I was slowly learning about my life before the accident on the beach. We had talked late into the night the night before; he told me of our recent stroke of luck in the vineyard, of my father and mother, and the townsfolk. He told me about the beach as well, explaining that it had been my favorite place to go. We decided to visit it after breakfast today. It seemed like I was learning to walk again. Everything I found out about myself was so intriguing, from which toothbrush I used to the fact that my eighteenth birthday was only in a couple of days. I also began to wonder what my relationship with Kai had been before I had forgotten everything. Had we secretly liked each other? Would he have told me if we did?

For one thing, I was pretty sure I had fancied him. He was attractive, friendly, and hardworking... why wouldn't I have? I hoped our trip to the beach that morning would uncover whatever relationship we had shared.

"So are you ready for breakfast?" I heard him say, shaking me from my thoughts.

"Oh, yeah. I'll take some of the usual," I laughed. I had been eating Captain Crunch every morning since I had woken up.

I watched as Kai left the room to go and get it ready and then went to change into some decent clothes. As I pulled on a pair of jeans, I surveyed myself in my bathroom mirror. My long, golden brown hair was resting behind my shoulders, the two blonde streaks hanging out in front. My complexion was fair and still a bit pale from the loss of blood from the accident, yet my cheeks were slightly flushed, perhaps from my recent visit from Kai. My eyes shone bright green, though they did not fit with the rest of my appearance. They held something behind them... a lifetime of memories, most of which were still unknown to me. Something else unsure, as if they were telling me something wasn't right. I didn't know myself. I was beginning to wonder if that were a good thing or not.

I had the chance to completely start over, but what if I'd never wanted to start over?

A knock resounded on my bedroom door. I turned from my reflection and made my way to it, deciding I would let things go as they were going for now. Opening the door, I saw a beaming Kai, offering a hand to me. I stood staring at it for a moment before I realized that I must have looked like an idiot, and then took it. He led me downstairs, hand-in-hand, to the kitchen, where my bowl of cereal awaited.

My mother had apparently gone out again, and so it was just the two of us as we ate, talking and laughing.

"I remember once," Kai was saying, a slight smile playing on his lips, "when we were younger, and you were building a sand castle on the beach, when I accidentally came and knocked it down. You were so mad you started chasing me around until we were both worn out, so we laid back on the sand until the stars came out. We tried counting them all, but there were too many and we kept having to start over until we drifted off to sleep. Your parents found us the next morning and boy, did we get scolded for having worried them sick."

"Ohh! I bet we did," I answered him, giggling. "Hey! We should build a sand castle once we get there," I suggested, hoping it would help me recall the memory.

"Sounds like a plan," he responded, a large grin on his face. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah, let me just run up to my room really quick," I told him, wanting to freshen up before we headed to the beach.

After I took my empty bowl to the sink, I ran upstairs and into my bathroom. I couldn't help feeling excited, yet part of me was still hesitant. How could I be sure what I felt now was what I had felt before? What if I was making a mistake? I guess I would just have to trust that my feelings were right.

I brushed my hair and teeth and put on some makeup quickly so I wouldn't keep Kai waiting. I exited the bathroom and glanced over at the flowers he had given me earlier that morning. He was sweet, that was for sure.

Suddenly my eyes caught on something on the shelf below. After squinting at it for a bit, it appeared to be a block of rusted metal, and I wondered why I would ever have kept junk in my room. I went over to it and picked it up, examining the surface. Immediately I felt a sense of nostalgia. But for what, I didn't know.

A knock sounded at the door again. I quickly remembered Kai had been waiting for me and set down the hunk of metal.

"Sorry," I said as I opened up the door and traveled downstairs with Kai.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

If Flower Bud Village's weather was always like that day's, I couldn't imagine why so few people lived here. The sky was surprisingly blue for winter, and you could tell spring was right around the corner. The snow was beginning to melt away, and blossoms were starting to form on the trees. Blades of grass could be seen poking their heads out from under the previously frozen ground, and some of the animals were beginning to wake from their long naps.

When we arrived at the beach, what I was saw was more beautiful than I had expected. The great expanse of water reached out as far as I could see, and the sun glimmered softly on the surface. It was a wonder no one was there.

"And here we are!" Kai said as we made our way across the sand. "Now, should we start on the construction of our castle?"

I was still captivated with the ocean. I knew now why it had been my favorite place to go.

"Did you know that the water is always different?" I asked abruptly, not quite sure where it was coming from.

"Is it?" he laughed.

"Yeah," I continued, "the molecules are always changing, always moving. The waves touching our shore today could be in China tomorrow."

"Oh, I see," he said, "interesting." Yet he didn't sound sincerely interested. "Shall we build castles, then?" he repeated.

I came back to my senses. "Oh, yeah... of course," I answered.

After a couple of hours we had constructed a magnificent castle, complete with four towers and a moat. After adding a few finishing touches, we sat back, admiring our work. It was about noon now, and the waves had been coming in closer and closer to where we were.

"Well, that's probably the best castle anyone's ever built," Kai said, leaning back onto his hands.

"I'd say!" I answered, grinning.

We sat in silence, still staring at the castle.

"Hey, Karen..." he said after a moment, and I looked up to meet his gaze.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Do you... do you remember anything about us before... you know, your accident?" he asked shyly.

I felt my cheeks burn. I had the feeling I was about to find out what I had been wondering all morning.

"Um, well..." I hesitated. "Not exactly, no."

"Oh," he replied. There was more awkward silence between us, during which the crash of the waves could be heard.

All of a sudden a wave struck our castle, causing the wall closest to the ocean to sink down. We both jumped up, trying to keep it from turning into a giant blob of wet sand. Though after a few minutes of trying and failing, we finally gave up. The waves were beginning to roll in even further now, and our whole castle was being ravaged by them.

What happened next was a blur. Somehow Kai and I, amidst our laughing and attempts to save the castle, had ended up so close to one another I was practically sitting on his lap. I felt one of his arms wrap around my waist and I teasingly yelled, "Hey!" and pushed him down on the sand. However, on the way down, he grabbed hold of my arm and pulled me down with him. Somewhat conveniently, it seemed, for I had landed on his chest, my face mere inches away from his.

"You know what Karen?" he asked, and I could feel his breath on my face.

"What?" I was smiling.

"I've loved you since the day I met you," he said, and I was slightly taken aback.

"Wow," I replied, knowing now what was coming. "I hope I can say the same."

And with that, I closed the gap between us. He was a good kisser, and I could tell he had been wanting it for a long time. It felt as if minutes had gone by before I finally broke away.

"Kai?" I whispered.

"Hmm?" he seemed to be in a state of bliss.

"This doesn't feel right..." I said, reluctantly.

He put his hands gently on my face and brought me down to kiss him again. This time he varied the pressure of his lips against mine, and I couldn't help but feel my heart swoon.

"What about now?" he asked.

"Well," I said, not knowing what to say. I was reluctant, but I didn't know why. Didn't I want this? Had it happened before? Finally, I gave in and decided I would worry about it later. My emotions were too foggy to think at that moment. "Never mind," I said, and leaned back down again.

Little did I know of the ferry that had come ashore behind us. I didn't hear anyone approaching until they came within a foot of where we were. At the first hint of someone watching, I quickly turned over. He was staring, a look of horror on his face.

"Well, I'm back," he said.

* * *

_AN: __I know, I know, Karen's got some issues here... three days after she wakes up and doesn't know who she is and she's making out with some guy on the beach. But hey, if you got hit on the head you probably wouldn't be complete__ly rational either. Just sayin'._


	13. Welcome Home

**Chapter 13: Welcome Home**

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

I don't know exactly when it hit me, and it didn't come all at once. The moment I saw him, I saw the little boy again, waving and smiling at the back of a ferry. Only, he wasn't a little boy. And he wasn't waving and definitely not smiling. He just stood, watching as Kai stood up and fumbled around, and I lay back on the sand, staring directly up at him.

"Jack, I... hey, welcome back.. uh," Kai was muttering.

But Jack wasn't paying attention to him. He was staring back at me.

"Listen, I know this doesn't look.. I mean it isn't what you..." Kai's voice died out. He had lost all confidence in what he was saying, and knew it didn't matter anyway.

Jack turned to Kai with a glance that said nothing at all, yet it held an infinite amount of words. Then he turned back to me, almost pleadingly, and walked off. The only sound at the moment was the soft crunch of the sand beneath his feet as he headed toward town.

_What had I done?_ I knew now for sure that something was wrong, all wrong, and I had walked straight into it, not unknowingly.

"Karen," Kai started again, a while after Jack had gone. "Look, I-"

"What? _What_, Kai! I knew this wasn't right, I should have known all along.. I should have trusted my instincts. I can't even, I don't even..."

My temper flared. I didn't remember exactly what I should be extremely angry _about_, but it knew me better than I knew me. I yelled and growled and swore at Kai. And if I knew anything at all, I knew one thing for sure. The old Karen was back.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The days that followed were hollow. I was recovering the pieces of myself, my past. And somehow I knew that as soon as they were back, they were shattered again. I had messed up the Karen that had been becoming. The Karen that had found out how to live.

That Thursday was my birthday, and I celebrated by throwing a book across the room when Kai tried to enter for the eighth time that day. My mother was sympathetic, and she held me as I cried about the things I had done. She told me the truth about Jack and Kai, and she had regretted not telling me soon enough. My father returned the following day. I heard the whispered conversation that took place between them late into the night.

Soon it was New Year's Eve, and I was already in bed, crying into my pillow. There was a knock on the door in the evening. I didn't say anything. I knew it was my mother when she entered softly.

"Karen, honey... your father and I are heading to the bar tonight for the celebration. You should come with us, it'd do you some good."

I didn't lift my head from the pillow.

"I'd rather stay here," I mumbled miserably.

"Well, Kai is staying too..."

I was up out of bed and out the door with my parents a few minutes later. I hadn't bothered changing or putting on any makeup. I merely combed the tangles out of my hair and put on a jacket. I was scared of going back into town... surely they had heard the story by now, not only of my memory loss but of my rendezvous with Jack... yet my resentment toward Kai far outweighed my fear.

The bar was stuffy and overcrowded with the town's residents. I hadn't been there since before Jack had left, and yet it was just as I had remembered it. Ann came up to me happily as she saw me enter, pulling along a tipsy Cliff.

"Karen!" she yelled a little too heartily. "You remember meee?" She let out a massive hiccup.

I couldn't help but smile. I had never seen Ann drunk before.

"Of course I do, Ann... just not like this."

"Well y'know..." she laughed. "Cliff and I are... en... enga... we're getting married!" Cliff stood behind her with a huge grin on his face, swaying. "How bout youuu and... Jack?"

I was shocked at this. Not so much that Ann was already engaged to Cliff, whom she had been only going out with for less than a season, but that she thought Jack and I were still... well, a couple. Were we?

"Jack?" I repeated dumbly.

"Mmmhmmm.." she nodded. "Don't you remember how... how crazyyyy you are about him?"

"Oh, Jack. Right. Yeah."

Ann grinned, seeming to take this as a sign that we were also soon to be married. She grabbed Cliff and pulled him to another table, wishing me "the breast" for the New Year.

I grabbed a table in the corner by myself. Well, technically Jeff was there too, but he was passed out over the chair. Duke brought over a large mug of beer and set it before me. "Good to have ya back, kid," he said, patting me heavily on the back.

Did no one know of what I had done? Hadn't Jack told them? I took a large gulp of the alcohol in front of me.

Hadn't he been out of his house? Hadn't he said hello to any of them? Slowly I drank down beer after beer. The room was becoming a blur, I had joined the stupor of the other villagers. But it was different. They were loud and rambunctious, celebrating the hope for the upcoming year. I was drowning in the current one.

I cursed profusely when someone stepped on my foot. I had already consumed more than my normal amount of alcohol and I was feeling even more horrible. Physically and emotionally.

The light in the room was blinding. The shouts of Ann and the other villagers were pounding on the insides of my head. I realized someone had begun to count down, sometimes repeating the same number twice. It was moments until the New Year.

Something had blocked the light in front of me. I looked up, squinting, my head and vision swimming. A blur of blue and orange.

"God, Karen..." was what it said.

I knew it was him. The whole experience was so clear and so vivid that I began to wonder if, apart from feeling like I was going to hurl at any moment, I was even drunk at all. I looked up at him, his face a shadow and a blur, but I could picture his eyes clearly shining with sympathy... a look that I knew should be filled with hatred, but was not.

"I'm so sorry, Jack..." I slurred.

The room erupted in cheers as I ran toward the nearest toilet.

* * *

_AN: Oh boy, vomit!_


	14. Goodbye

**Chapter 14: Goodbye**

-.-.-.-

Time is a funny thing, isn't it? It was a year to the day, and I found myself in the same exact place— standing over the waves and staring out toward the city. The past few weeks had been such a blur to me, and I knew the previous couple of days had left me even more confused. I had spent the day of New Year's celebration hungover and hopeless, but now I knew I had to get out of the house... to go to the place I could always find comfort. And so there I was, standing in the spot where I had first hoped that things would change.

I wondered what had happened to me. Had I become a different person than the one who stood there the day that ferry came in? I had been through so many ups and downs, so much change and unchange, I had to wonder if any of it had even mattered at all. It seemed like it was the same Karen who had always been standing there, and that despite everything, it was back to the way it had started.

But it wasn't the same, and apparently it did matter, or else it wouldn't have hurt so much. I knew the Karen standing there a year ago didn't have the same capacity to feel, or even to love, and that she had now become free of the routine that had trapped her before. So much had happened that she, back then, couldn't even have imagined. And I realized then that that was life, and that despite its cruel sense of humor, time didn't run in circles. Whether I was temperamental or stubborn, I'd never be the same person I was then. The year had forever changed me.

And I knew that was why I was wondering whether or not I should leave. My motives were different from before, because now I knew that you could escape routine, even in Flower Bud Village. But I had messed up somewhere, and I had hurt the people I loved the most. I still loved Jack, and I knew if I explained everything truthfully to him that it was more than likely he'd forgive me and put it all behind us... but I didn't think I could do that myself. I had been defined by him, and even changed for the better... but for some reason, I could never make it complete. I would always lose myself again without him. So I knew I had to find myself away from everyone who had always known me, and that the best place to do that was in the city. I had saved up more than enough by now. All I needed was the courage to go.

I sat down on the edge of the pier and let my feet skim the water. If I knew one thing about myself, it was that I would always be at peace around the ocean. We could relate. Tonight it was calm, but I knew that at times it could be unruly and even dangerous. Its waves rolled up and down, and it was always the same— yet always changing. It was definitely comforting to be there, even with everything that it had brought me. It made me wonder what things lay in store.

Just as I let myself slip into peace, it was disturbed again. I detected the sound of someone walking across the sand easily. The only thing I didn't know was who it was that was walking toward me at that moment. I didn't turn and look, because I had a feeling I knew who it might be. I felt a rush of emotions at once. Would he change my mind and make me stay? Did I want him to be coming to me when I had thought I had made my decision?

But none of that mattered, because I was wrong. It wasn't Jack. It was Kai. My heart immediately calmed down at the sight of him, along with the feelings of dislike I had been feeling for him lately. In fact, he had thrown me so completely off guard that the only thing I could do was let him sit down next to me and stick his feet in the water. We sat in silence for a bit, while he waited to see if I would leave. I didn't.

"Hey," he said.

"Hi."

"I just thought you'd like to know," he told me, "that I'm leaving tomorrow."

I turned to face him. "Wait... what?_"_ I replied, shocked.

"Yeah, I'm headed toward the city. Your dad made a few calls, and they have a job lined up for me already. I guess I can be grateful for that."

"But Kai... you can't just _leave!_ What about our vineyard? What about everyone in the village that you've grown up with? What abou—"

"Karen, your vineyard has been better than you or I have ever seen it this year, and it's not because of me. I'm sure you already know who is responsible for that." He paused. "And as for the villagers... well, none have ever been especially close. You and your family have been the only ones to ever truly care for me, and whose opinion I ever really cared about. And now... well, I've screwed up everything. I don't expect you or your parents or Jack to ever forgive me, and I probably don't even deserve it. I think it's best for everyone if I go."

My feelings of anger and resentment towards Kai had been great, and I knew they had been justified. But I knew that he deserved forgiveness, because he wasn't entirely to blame.

"Look, Kai..." I started, "what you did was bad. Actually, it was horrible. But it wasn't just you. I had known it was wrong... my instincts had told me better several times. I could have pushed you away until I knew better, but I didn't, because I wanted it too. And we both messed up. I didn't deal with it the right way at all... I didn't even know how. I know I can't forgive you right now, but I know that if you go away, I'll never have the chance to. And I really do want that, in the end."

He sighed and looked out over the ocean. "I don't know, Karen. I feel pretty lost right now."

Reality hit me with this statement. Kai and I were two people in the same boat, and I began to understand just how he felt. I knew both of us wanted to go to the city to find ourselves, but I wondered if it was for the best. I wondered if it would hurt more than it helped.

"Would our past slip away from us if we went?" I asked, a bit dazed.

"What? _We?_" Kai asked, confused.

I shook my head. "Oh, I don't know. It's just..." I hesitated. "Well, I've been thinking about going away too. Just for a little while."

"But why, Karen? You are nowhere near as guilty as I am. Besides, your family loves you, your friends love you, Jack loves you... I can't see you leaving them." Kai said, looking at me sincerely.

"I know. It's probably stupid. I just... I don't know, Kai. I feel like I haven't found out who I'm supposed to be yet, I guess," I explained.

"Karen, I understand. I know it has been hard for you this year, especially after losing your memory for so long. But I want you to think this through. Know that you can find yourself no matter where you're at. You have people who care for you and want to help you. That doesn't mean they have to tell you what you believe. You find it out by being yourself."

Kai had pinned me straight on. I knew what he was saying. I just didn't know what I should do.

"Yeah, thanks Kai. But what about you? Are you really leaving?" I asked. I really was concerned. I couldn't see the vineyard without Kai, despite what he had done and how I had been acting towards him. But I could see why he was making his decision, and I knew I could not easily change it.

"Yeah, I'm gonna go. I may be back, but I really don't know. I guess we just have to see where time takes me," he said, leaning back on his arms.

I nodded. "Yeah," I said. "I guess we'll see."

We sat without speaking for a long time. I had never felt this at peace with Kai. I had never understood him so much. I didn't know whether or not I would follow his advice, but I knew now it would be harder to leave without more thought on the matter. He had a reason, and was willing to go, knowing that it would help the tension within our household. And I knew he would be okay on his own. I wasn't sure if I would be.

After awhile I turned back to face him. "Hey, Kai?" I asked, and he looked over toward me. "I'm sorry. I really am."

"It's okay, Karen. You shouldn't apologize," he replied.

"And I will miss you when you go."

"I'll miss you too," he said, with a smile.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

I watched with my family as Kai boarded the ferry the following morning. I knew it wasn't as big of a deal as it would have been if any of the other villagers had been leaving, and I felt a bit angry at this... Kai deserved more than just a simple goodbye. But afterall it was Kai, and I knew he didn't care. As the boat left the dock, he turned back and waved. We all waved back, temporarily forgetting the hostility we had all felt toward him, and remembering him as the Kai who had grown up within our house. It would be different without him there, that was for sure. But I hoped it was for the best for him, and for us, in the end. Most of all, I hoped that the next time I saw him I would be ready to forgive him.

I was sure that I would be.


	15. Ebb and Flow

**Chapter 15: Ebb and Flow**

_Oh the choices we make, the grounds we break._

_-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-_

The following days slipped by like sand through my fingers. While the vast majority of my life had been dominated by slow monotony, the eighteenth year of my life was now whizzing by. It wasn't necessarily that I had a lot to do... rather, it was that I was avoiding something I _had_ to do. I knew I had come so far in the past year and that I was an inch away from becoming the change I envisioned for myself. But there was still something holding me back, and I wasn't sure exactly what it was.

I often put aside my thoughts by concentrating on Ann and the planning of her wedding with Cliff. The day of the ceremony was quickly approaching however, and I knew that after the bouquet had been tossed and the last drunken villager had gone home I would be left alone with my whirring mind again.

"Hey, Karen..." Ann said to me one morning in late spring, while she frantically turned the pages of a bridal magazine on her bed. I looked toward her, knowing that she was about to repeat the same things I had heard over and over again for the past season. "Have you made sure Lillia and Popuri remembered to order those Pink Cats? And I hope you told Elli to make sure she is baking the cake with _yellow_ batter, because you know how Cliff hates chocolate, and I really don't want him to be making a huge deal about it at the reception— that really wouldn't look too good on our wedding day, y'know? Oh, and can you go check later to see if Maria has that poem my brother requested looked up... and do you have all of the wine bottles ready? Door to Heaven would be preferable, but if that's setting you back too much we could just go for the-"

"Ann!" I yelled, grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her out of her monologue. "You're doing it again. Believe me, everything is under control, I've already talked with the others this morning."

"God, Karen, sorry. You know how I am just anxious about it all... I never really thought this day would come so soon."

"Heh, well, me neither," I replied. "But then again, you always did have that spontaneous spirit..."

Ann pushed me so quickly I almost fell off of the bed.

"Hey! Are you suggesting that I'm only marrying Cliff for the thrill?"

"Err, welllll..." I laughed. Ann gave me a hard stare. "No, no... of course not, weirdo. I know it's love and all that."

"Good," Ann replied, sticking out her tongue. "Even though it _is_ pretty exciting. I can't believe it's only next week!"

"Yeah, seriously..." I said, a bit too dryly.

Ann gave me a quizzical look. I hadn't told her the details of my and Jack's reunion, but I _had_ told her that we had broken up. She was uncommonly quiet about the matter, leaving me to bring it up when I wanted, but never pushing it. I loved her for that.

"Oh, it's nothing," I replied quickly. "I mean, it's just that, well, Jack will be there and all. I've managed to carefully avoid him for so long that I'm not sure what to do now. We'll be standing right across from each other during the ceremony, since I'm your Maid of Honor and he's the Best Man. And God, dancing will be awkward..."

"Oh Karen, I'm so sorry." Ann said, frowning. "But you know, you have to face him sometime. And besides," she continued, "I think it will do you both some good to see each other again. It's been nearly a season..."

"Yeah, I guess," I replied, halfheartedly. "Thanks. And I definitely won't let this spoil your big day, don't worry," I smiled.

"I know," Ann said, returning my smile while rubbing my shoulder. "Now, where were we?"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Before I knew it, the day of Ann's wedding had arrived. I was almost as nervous and excited as she was as I helped her get ready, but I could still feel the tight knot in my stomach that had been lurking there over the course of the morning.

"Ahh!" Ann shrieked, darting back and forth from her room to the bathroom in a wild craze. "Where's my mascara!"

I held it up casually for my friend. "Ann, you _seriously _need to calm down. You're going to explode before you even change into your dress at this rate. And I don't really want to go and ruin the whole event by having to explain to Cliff why the room is decorated in _Guts de Ann,_" I said, putting a fake French accent on the last three words.

"Eww, Karen. Thanks," she replied, somewhere in between amused and grossed out.

I helped her finish with her hair and make-up, then waited while she carefully put on her dress. She came out a few minutes later beaming and glowing in layers of white.

"Wow, Ann," I remarked, as soon as she walked back into the room. "_I'm _blown away, and I can't even imagine the look _Cliff's _going to have on his face when he first sees you."

Ann giggled. "I guess I'm glad my dad talked me out of the overalls after all..."

The ceremony was as lovely as a wedding ceremony could be— and as hard as I tried to focus on the young couple, I couldn't help but feel that Jack was watching me at every moment. I knew that in all likelihood he was probably respectfully watching Ann and Cliff along with the rest of the town, but I could not bring my eyes to settle on him in case he was to return my look. The second the vows were exchanged and Ann and Cliff were pronounced man and wife, I was in a hurry to get out of there. I took Jack's arm, trying to touch it as little as possible, avoided all eye contact and conversation, and let go the second we exited the church. I hugged the newly betrothed couple, and we set off for the reception, which was to be held at the bar.

As soon as we arrived, I hurried into the back room. Even though I had stopped working at the bar after my accident, Duke still happily let me use the back room as a hideout from the rest of the town on occasion. I used the precious alone time to leisurely change out of my Maid of Honor heels, which had been killing my feet, and into some more comfortable sandals. Checking my reflection in some stacked glasses, I rearranged my bangs so that they were out of my eyes. The rest of my hair was pulled back into a bun, reminding me of my mother. My skin was a ghostly white with only a tinge of pink on my cheeks, a result of an infrequent application of powder and blush. I rubbed some of it off with my hand. My face had matured in the past year. I no longer looked so boisterous and sarcastic, which I was grateful for in the long run. My eyes still glowed emerald green, but I could tell that they were dimmed with a mark of sadness.

I blinked a few times and shook myself from my thoughts. I knew I still had things to take care of for Ann, and that I would have to go back into the crowded room eventually. I took one last look at myself and then left, putting on a smile as I entered the main room. Guests were laughing, drinking, and congratulating a jubilant Cliff and Ann. I noticed Duke was busy serving drinks and chatting happily with the out-of-towners. I scanned the room automatically to find Jack, who was surprisingly nowhere to be seen. I walked over to Ann, who was currently being bombarded by a gushing aunt.

"Hey," I whispered to her, not wanting to make too big of a deal out of it, "do you happen to know where Jack went?"

Ann looked around for a moment and then shrugged. "Sorry, Kare. Did you need him for something?"

I shook my head.

"Never mind," I said. "I'm sure he's just using the bathroom or something."

I walked around the room, greeting villagers who were slowly becoming more and more intoxicated, as well as a sea of noisy, red-haired relatives of Ann's who kept asking me if I was Cliff's sister. I explained that we were cousins and that my family was really the only family he had. They nodded and smiled at me absentmindedly and resumed drinking and conversing. I made my way over to Duke, who was still gracefully filling drink after drink like an old pro.

"Need any help?" I asked him, looking for something to keep me busy.

He flashed me a smile. "I don't know, am I going to have to start paying you again?" he asked teasingly. I stuck my tongue out and took a couple glasses of champagne from the counter and to the guests. Some, mostly rather tipsy villagers, pulled me close to them and asked when the big day would come for me. I laughed it off and shrugged, telling them I hoped I would someday be half as happy as Ann.

After awhile I started to feel queasy, especially after being asked yet again by a giggly Popuri if Jack was now available. Fortunately my mother overheard that time and came over. She comfortingly put her arm around my shoulders and pulled me away, excusing us by saying that the bride needed something. I smiled and gave her a grateful "thank you."

At that moment, a flushed and jubilant Doug stood and clinked his glass with his fork, preparing to make a toast. I took the opportunity to again slip from the room, this time outdoors, so that I could have some fresh air.

To my surprise, I wasn't alone. Aside from a rambunctious May, Stu, and Kent playing tag, there on the wooden steps of the bar sat Jack, watching the kids run around and obviously deep in thought. I was unsure of whether or not to say anything and turned to go back inside when he caught sight of me.

"Hey, Karen," he said. "Escaping for a moment too?"

I smiled in spite of myself. "Caught red-handed," I said, instantly hoping that it didn't remind him of our encounter on the beach that day.

Fortunately he didn't seem to notice, and motioned for me to come sit next to him. I did, and we sat silently for a few minutes.

"Hey," I said, finally. "I'm sorry for avoiding you."

He looked over at me for a moment but said nothing, picking at the ground in front of him.

"I mean, I guess I shouldn't be the one treating you like this. It should be the other way around. I feel like I am deserving of so much more anger and disgust by you; and yet you are too nice to me as you have always been. You never told the villagers what I did, and yet I feel as though I should be publically shunned."

He looked up at me now, his eyes moving across my face. He took a breath.

"I'll be honest, Karen. I was mad at first. _Really _mad. I wanted to throw things, to beat Kai into the pile of crap that he is, to give up and move back to the city. I had come back that day with the good news that my father was going to be fine, and I wanted so badly to see you, to hold you and celebrate with you... only to find you... you and Kai, well... you know. I never felt such pain in my entire life. I didn't know what to do," he said, honestly, plainly.

My heart fell. I didn't know what I had wanted him to say, but I knew that I had to hear it. He looked back down at the ground again.

"I didn't know what had happened between when I had left and when I returned to make you forget about me so quickly," he continued. "I thought you were different than that, that you had moved past your monumental mood swings. I even thought for a second you had just been playing me the whole time so that you would have something to do. I was so close to leaving. But then," he paused, breathing in and letting it out slowly, "then I received a visit from the very same person I wanted to destroy. "

I looked over at him, shocked.

"Kai came to you?" I asked, unaware that this had happened.

"Yeah, he did. And I wanted to hit him, to tell him to get the hell away from me and never speak to me again. But he insisted. He explained the whole story to me— how you had gotten thrown out to sea, lost your memory, and didn't actually know that you and I were together, and how he idiotically took advantage of the situation. How you weren't to blame at all, and that he was the lowest of the lows. I didn't believe it at first. I couldn't believe no one had told me. But I did feel relieved. I was still angry, but not at you." Jack smiled, looking at me again.

"But that's the thing, Jack. I feel like you should be angry at me. I knew I should have waited for my memory to come back before I did anything... and not to mention, I was an idiot trying to swim toward the city and find you in the first place. Man, I was so pathetic." I frowned.

"Yeah, well I'm not saying that all of your moves were brilliant," he chuckled, and then became serious again. "But I could understand. I missed you a lot too. And I can't be angry at you now, even if I tried."

I smiled. I was glad that I had gotten that off of my chest, and that he was so understanding. But there was still one more thing I had to say.

"You know, Jack, I've changed so much since I met you. I used to hate myself and my boring, pitiful life all the time. But you taught me to appreciate things. To slow down and enjoy the good moments. To not underestimate myself. I felt like every time you were around I was a better person, a more complete person."

Jack smiled. "You kind of had that effect on me too," he said.

I smiled back. But I now realized what it was that was holding me back.

"Yeah, and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, Jack," I said, starting to slow my words, articulating. "But there was still one problem. I had changed _because_ of you. Because I wanted to be someone you liked, someone worthy enough of you. But in my heart I was always the same old Karen I had always been... I had changed my perspective, but my old thoughts and actions still lingered inside. I couldn't change that on my own."

He nodded, looking a bit crestfallen. I continued.

"So I want, well... I think I _need _to spend some time figuring out who I am, who I want to be. What I want to do with my life. I've never really thought about those types of things before."

Jack looked me in the eyes now, and put his hand over mine.

"I understand, Karen. I want to be with you, I really do... but I can wait until you're ready."

I looked back at him, smiled, and then leaned over and kissed him. I could feel his emotion as he kissed me back. For a moment I wavered in my decision. But then I pulled back.

He smiled and we sat in silence again for a moment.

"So..." I said after a bit, straightening my back and smirking, "shall we go embarrass the newlyweds with some not-altogether-truthful-yet-hilarious toasts?"

Jack laughed and took my hand, helping me up.

"Oh yes, I've got a few choice stories I can think of for that..."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

When you think about, time isn't really that funny of a thing. I'm not saying that I will ever begin to understand it or control it, but I don't really think of it much anymore. The truth is, you can get so caught up in the person you used to be and the things you once had, or what you want to be and do with your life that you miss the fact that you're living in the present and choosing who you want to be at that moment. Of course, it is good to make goals and try to reach them, to base decisions off of past mistakes and experiences you've had; but ultimately, you've got to think and live in the present. It took me awhile to realize that, but I was finally able to do it on my own.

In the end, Flower Bud village was one of the best places to live on Earth. And I'm not just saying that because I live there, you know. With the remainder of my eighteenth year, I took some time to travel, to see the cities that I had once so badly wanted to belong to. And I learned, in the end, that they really weren't all that I had hoped they would be. Sure, there were things I saw and experienced that I never would have in Flower Bud, but I came to understand that there was monotony, sadness, and even loneliness in every place. I met new people and even made some friends along the way, but I was never able to form the same kinds of relationships I had with the people of Flower Bud.

And so when I returned to my small village I was truly happy to be back. I knew that I could spend the rest of my life there and not regret it. I knew who I was and that I wanted to someday continue my family's vineyard. (With the help of the Kiefu fairies, of course.) Jack and I eventually got back together, and lost no time rekindling our relationship. I told him I knew now that he was that little boy that I was meant to be with all along... the one who had come to visit his grandfather when he was young, and the one I had so many good memories with. He proposed to me by the ocean, and I was sure I was the happiest person in Flower Bud.

So, you see, time really isn't worth worrying about. People and things will come and go, and you'll mature and grow and learn. It will happen. You just have to let time do its thing, and make sure you're able to enjoy the moments you have, good or bad. For as someone very wise (and unbelievably good looking) once told me: each day is different; sometimes they're high, sometimes they're low... but you just have to go with it, accept it. Just like the ever-constant ebb and flow of the waves.

* * *

_Author's Note: This is probably my most popular story to date. I never could have asked for more dedicated readers and encouraging reviews. Thank you all, seriously, for keeping this story going even when I took over a year to update._

_I grew and changed myself over the five years that I wrote this story. In a way, a lot of what Karen went through was the sort of thing I went through as well. (Although I haven't found my Jack yet, but hopefully soon.) _

_Even if you are just coming across this story now, I love to hear new opinions and thoughts. Your reviews are what inspire me to keep writing. I want to hear even the negative stuff: if the ending disappointed you or you wish that the Jack and Karen ending was better... if the writing was terrible or needs to be fixed. Criticism is very helpful to me. _

_Anyway, thank you again for reading this story. I hope it at least kept you entertained. _

_Until next time,_

_JustWrite_


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